Pumpkin Patch

Today was a fun day with my sweet family. We've a wonderful couple who live at the edge of our town. Every year they open their pumpkin field to anyone/everyone to come, pick & keep as many pumpkins as you can carry. They provide hayrides, sweet apple cider (as you watch apples from their orchard turn into juice with their ol' cranker - juicer). All of this is provided FREE...it is their ministry. And all children (young & old) turn out for the festivities! It was a crisp fall day - as we drove to their farm. It was beautiful and we were all pumped for the fun. The only thing I found wrong was the feeling of my head beginning to pound - as I tried to understand why my head was starting to hurt. (Could it be something had blown in with the crazy Kansas winds this past week? Could it be that I'm tired - the crazy schedule that I've been trying to keep up with: work 36-40 hrs/week, karate & Zumba classes twice/week, walking with my angel/friends every morning, church on Wednesdays (3-8pm)...and now baking...a lot.? Or could it be some repressed anger that I'm not dealing with - which my husband asked - "what are you mad about?" on the way to the patch.)
I don't know. I think it's probably something blown in. I've been really blessed & have not been too sick since we've moved from TX, August 08. But maybe, just maybe it's something more..?? Something that I'm really not wanting to deal with? Hmmm.

My investigation continues..
When you've hidden behind a mask for SO long, like me, it becomes really easy to "put on a happy face" when your heart is breaking in two. Another way of life for me was being "numb." Numb to all emotion meant I didn't have to feel the pain and therefore it didn't matter what anyone said/did to me. I was just going through the motions of the day. I can remember a particular day when I was traveling with family. My children were young (ages 4-8, I think). There were 10 of us (six extended family included). I found my place near the back of the big Suburban we were riding in - where all the children were strategically placed away from the adults. I didn't mind sitting there among the kids b/c I was numb. I remember spending hours looking out the window - watching Texas disappear and Colorado come into focus. I remember seeing the birds gliding so gently through the sky. They represented freedom to me. A freedom I didn't know - only from a distance. My heart knew no pain because there was no feeling. Only years later sitting with a Christian counselor that God led me to...did I realize if I were going to be numb to all emotion, that would include joy. I wouldn't know joy - couldn't have joy in my life. As hard as it was to face that pain - God gave me strength & courage to meet it head on. It was during that time that I witnessed the love of Christ that was real. Real love from a real Christ for a hurting little girl.

I'm still working on that communication issue.
Why is it I can't always open my mouth and speak my mind? Always afraid of 'upsetting the applecart' or disappointing someone I love? So I live behind the mask. But that's living a lie..right?
Run from conflict...that's me. Sometimes it feels like I just walk on eggshells. Ever felt that way? Let me hear from ya.

THE LORD IS NEAR TO THE BROKENHEARTED, AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT. (Psalm 34:18) and HE HEALS THE BROKENHEARTED, AND BINDS UP THEIR WOUNDS. (Psalm 147:3)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen