Somewhere inbetween...

Ok...confession time again. I must openly admit that I get discouraged sometimes. And I know it's not of God when I start to feel inadequate! In fact, I know it's not God who is the author of doubt! (it is the author of darkness - otherwise known as satan)
Nevertheless, I found myself feeling pretty small tonight as I viewed a (very successful) blog of an old friend of mine from college. She has made quite a name for herself with the scrapbooking/rubber stamping world...and I am truly happy and in awe of her. She is breathing success as she carves a name for herself in that realm of creativity. God has/is richly blessing her & I'm so excited. The darkness that sets into my mind and tries to take root is feeling inadequate as a human. No, I'm not famous in any realm (on the grand scale of earthly views)...but I AM famous to Brady Grace Klumpp, Justin & Jordan Jung, Jennifer, Ian, Paige & Nico Klumpp, Charity, Natolie and a host of others that know/have known me as "mom, step-mom, & adopted mom" over the past several years. I may never know the impact I had on these lives. I pray it was that I've done a little bit of 'right' in all the wrong I did.

Somehow I've managed to take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on earthly things. I've been measuring myself in human terms instead of heavenly ones. I've felt very insignificant lately. I've looked for an audience of many - instead of remembering I should be singing praises to an audience of ONE. The focus has been on me and it should be on HIM.

Thank you Holy God, for reminding me how important I am in Your sight. Help me to see myself - not as I see me - but the way You do. Remind me that You knit me inside Nancy's womb - knowing everything I would ever be, do, seek, and know...and still you continue to love me just the way I am. Help me to love others the way You love me..and help me show others the unconditional love you freely give. Amen.

I always feel so much better when I take my heartaches to heaven. God always turns my sorrow into joy...no matter what my circumstance. Try it sometime...I challenge you to seek Him. You'll never be the same.

Have you ever felt small & inadequate? Let me hear from ya! I'll pray for you...I promise.

BEHOLD, I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK; IF ANYONE HEARS MY VOICE AND OPENS THE DOOR, I WILL COME IN TO HIM, AND WILL DINE WITH HIM, AND HE WITH ME. (Revelations 3:20)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen

Day 4

Well...I've got a 'whopper' of a confession. I got a REALLY big dose of sugar-sweetness this morning as I read some bio's of females that have (probably) highly successful blogs. Don't get me wrong - I'm so happy they are reaching out and helping many with their words. What rubs me is the "sugary-ness" that most of these women have near-perfect lives...they've married their high-school sweetheart, they have at least 3 kids, almost all of them homeschool their children (which I truly commend them for this, as I tried, loved it...but life happens and it was necessary for me to return to work)...they have time to blog beautiful posts as well as keep immaculate houses. Well, I'm left sitting here feeling like such a failure. I can't compete with that. My high-school sweetheart and I divorced just two weeks shy of our fifteenth wedding anniversary - both of us broken and lost...we didn't have an opportunity to homeschool...and don't get me started on my housekeeping/cooking skills. My husband now, who is a wonderful/gifted pastor, whom I adore - just last night commented about my inabilities to keep a clean house or cook an entire meal...at least one that doesn't consist of a box, dry noodles, milk and packet of sauce/spices and some ground hamburger meat.

So - where do I go from here? I go straight UP...that's where. First, with a confession that I'm probably jealous of these near-perfect women...and second, to ask God to continue blessing each one of them with the ministries they've been led into...and third, to thank HIM for making me who I am, because He can still find a way to use this "MESS - called ME" where He's chosen to plant me..right now, at work.

BE JOYFUL ALWAYS; PRAY CONTINUALLY; GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen