Quiet

Just a quiet evening...following a big Saturday morning...after a long, tiring week. Ever have one of those? I continue to work on my relationships. I've been told I'd live the life of a hermit if I could. Part of me thinks..."heck, yeah - that'd be nice & quiet for a spell" - while another part of me thinks..."NO, No - I like being around people - and that would make me blue." Hhmmmm...such a delimma.
So, back to my week. Hubby & I continue to communicate on a deeper level. This is new to me b/c I've always held close relationships at a distance - while living behind that mask. I think that's been my security blanket, which makes perfect sense. If I keep close relationships at bay...then it doesn't hurt quite so bad when my feelings are hurt or I'm disappointed in some way. The only problem with that? I can think of several...a) I never get to experience REAL joy along with the people I love the most, b) If I'm hiding behind that mask and not communicating when something hurts...how is the other person going to know I'm hurt...and we try to remedy/find a solution?, c) I'm not a living partner in a marriage relationship that God created & intends for me to exist in...shall I go on?
Bottom line is - I love my husband with all my heart...I'm figuring out there will be times that I disappoint, frustrate, anger (etc) him - and he will do the same to me. BUT we will work through those conflicts and grow closer to each other through it. I'm also learning that conflict isn't a bad thing...it's a necessary thing in a good marriage.

NO DISCIPLINE SEEMS PLEASANT AT THE TIME, BUT PAINFUL. LATER ON, HOWEVER, IT PRODUCES A HARVEST OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND PEACE FOR THOSE TRAINED BY IT. (Hebrews 12:11)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~karen

The Investigation...

Ok...so last night I started a reflective look into myself. I've never been one that's good with relationships - and realize I'm probably old enough now to get down to business & figure it out. Looking back into my past may prove to be a little unnerving - but I want to be a better person for my family - my husband, my children, my parents, my sister...all those whom I love.
So here goes...
I ran from relationships when I was little. I was constantly busy growing up - dance lessons, baton lessons, voice lessons, drama group, rehearsals...the list was exhaustive & endless. It was the best of times - it was the worst of times. (I will FOREVER be grateful to my wonderful parents who allowed me to do all the things i loved growing up. Heck, they carpooled me everywhere!) While I absolutely LOVED all the creative activities I was involved in...it also gave me a great opportunity to hide behind masks. This was something I became VERY good at. And I probably have some traces of this character flaw still buried deep within. I've also learned it was a way to hide any pain that I might be experiencing. Ok, I'll be transparent. Yes, there was pain within the four walls of my childhood home. (I'm not sure there's anyone out there who could honestly say there was no painful experiences in their homes while growing up.) I've decided there IS NO SUCH THING as a functional family. We are ALL dysfunctional - We have ALL SINNED and fall short of the glory of God. And better still - God loves us JUST THE WAY WE ARE. I heard something just this past weekend...it was a reminder of something I'd heard long ago...and God needed me to hear it again...let it seep into my bones deeply. God doesn't see the ugly, dirty, sin-filled 'me' when He looks upon me. HE sees the ONE who took my place (Jesus)...the PERFECT one, my REDEEMER. And this is all because Jesus took on my filth/sin at the cross & in exchange He freely gave me His unblemished record. Wow. Mind-boggling, isn't it?!

I will continue my investigation on yet another day...

FEAR NOT, FOR I(GOD) HAVE REDEEMED YOU(enter your name here); I(GOD) HAVE CALLED YOU BY YOUR NAME; YOU ARE MINE(GOD). (Isaiah 43:1)

keep the faith, dear friend.
~karen