A New Creation

Time flies when... You can spend a lifetime & a million verbs to finish that line. Well, I will try to finish my reasoning as to why I've been away almost a month. January has proven to be busy in some ways and S-L-O-W in others.

I met with my counselor today...and I must say it was truly a time spent in the midst of my Saviour. It was such an outpouring of love & tears & pain & forgiveness. (I was poured out & filled up by the time it was over 1 1/2 hours later.)

I remembered things from my childhood that were both tragic & sad; yet God removed the pain and grafted in His unconditional love. He was there...the WHOLE time...when I was little. I love my parents. They're human...and in their human-ness they were broken & battered. They made mistakes in parenting my sister and me...just like ALL THE REST OF US...INCLUDING ME...so you won't see me pointing a finger in judgement toward them. I have forgiven them & love them just as Christ has forgiven me & loves me ~ unconditionally.

God (and my counselor) have shown me that I've walked the valleys so that I can be prepared for 'such a time as this' and be able to help others. God knows my heart is willing to go and do whatever He needs me to. It's my belief that He wants me to be a beacon (a light) to women who are hurting...who may have gone through (or going through) some of the things I have. I will leave it to Him to show me how.

I've been asked to speak at a church conference soon (Feb. 19) in Rexford, Kansas on 'Concepts of Women's Ministry.' I have been praying for God's Hand to lead me in speaking what He wants. And I've been given a scripture that I will cling to while in preparation for 'such a time as this' (Esther). I will leave it here & ask if you'll pray for me, too....

...FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL TEACH YOU IN THAT VERY HOUR WHAT YOU OUGHT TO SAY.
(Luke 12:12)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

Alone

Did you ever feel completely and totally alone? Did you ever want to just cry out to the sky until you were hoarse and had no voice left? Did you ever know something so sad & terrible that you didn't even know how to manage holding the thoughts in your head because you thought if you did you'd die? I've been there. It's an emptiness that is inexplainable.
Sometimes wives of men in the pastorate have to deal with feelings & emotions all alone in the emptiness. There's an emptiness in space. Sometimes the quiet peace of space (I'm talking way-out-there-Milky-Way kind of space) is calming to my mind. Out there - there is no pain, tears & terrible things.

Even though I sometimes feel that way ~ I am reminded that I am never alone. That is why Jesus left this earth through the most painful death there is...so I would not have to be alone. He departed so that there could be a Comforter come.

"Come and dwell within me, O Great Comforter. ~ Come and help me deal with the pain."

Pastor's wives, you are not alone. You too have the Comforter. Hold on to Him when times get tough...like I do. Wives, husbands, teens, little children, collegiates...this is the same Comforter that you can lean on, too.

I am reminded of a song that's playing over & over in my head lately...

I need you Jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can I go
there's no other name
for which I am saved
capture me with grace
I will follow you.

(Artist: Newsong)

"...DO NOT BE GRIEVED, FOR THE JOY OF THE LORD IS YOUR STRENGTH." (Nehemiah 8:10)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen

The Investigation...

Ok...so last night I started a reflective look into myself. I've never been one that's good with relationships - and realize I'm probably old enough now to get down to business & figure it out. Looking back into my past may prove to be a little unnerving - but I want to be a better person for my family - my husband, my children, my parents, my sister...all those whom I love.
So here goes...
I ran from relationships when I was little. I was constantly busy growing up - dance lessons, baton lessons, voice lessons, drama group, rehearsals...the list was exhaustive & endless. It was the best of times - it was the worst of times. (I will FOREVER be grateful to my wonderful parents who allowed me to do all the things i loved growing up. Heck, they carpooled me everywhere!) While I absolutely LOVED all the creative activities I was involved in...it also gave me a great opportunity to hide behind masks. This was something I became VERY good at. And I probably have some traces of this character flaw still buried deep within. I've also learned it was a way to hide any pain that I might be experiencing. Ok, I'll be transparent. Yes, there was pain within the four walls of my childhood home. (I'm not sure there's anyone out there who could honestly say there was no painful experiences in their homes while growing up.) I've decided there IS NO SUCH THING as a functional family. We are ALL dysfunctional - We have ALL SINNED and fall short of the glory of God. And better still - God loves us JUST THE WAY WE ARE. I heard something just this past weekend...it was a reminder of something I'd heard long ago...and God needed me to hear it again...let it seep into my bones deeply. God doesn't see the ugly, dirty, sin-filled 'me' when He looks upon me. HE sees the ONE who took my place (Jesus)...the PERFECT one, my REDEEMER. And this is all because Jesus took on my filth/sin at the cross & in exchange He freely gave me His unblemished record. Wow. Mind-boggling, isn't it?!

I will continue my investigation on yet another day...

FEAR NOT, FOR I(GOD) HAVE REDEEMED YOU(enter your name here); I(GOD) HAVE CALLED YOU BY YOUR NAME; YOU ARE MINE(GOD). (Isaiah 43:1)

keep the faith, dear friend.
~karen