Single Parenting 101

Oh boy...here we go. Papa Bear has left the den to help a hurting country across the pond. (Kenya) He left yesterday morning...bound for Wichita, KS - to Chicago, IL - to Istanbul - to Nairobi. Our sweet Paige, celebrating her birthday yesterday...traveled with her Papa to Africa. We are praying for their safety, as well as for God's Hand to move their work in a mighty way.

My life for the next two weeks should be pretty interesting. Busy, absolutely! Tiring, you betcha! Fulfilling, count on it! Lonely, probably. Sleepless, probably. I missed Michael even before he was out of Kansas.

We'd had a 'spat' on Sunday (the day before his departure). Looking back (as always) it was over something so trivial (aka: stupid). This time my computer was the catalyst ~ with Michael trying to clean it out. As he looked thru the control panel he asked, "Ever use - - -? (enter photo software name here). My response, "Uhhh..I think...it rings a bell." I think that same response came from my lips on every question he asked after that.
Long story short - He was trying...and I was trying to kill his confidence in himself to accomplish the task. (I succeeded) And our afternoon - into evening - was a miserable, lonely, separate time.

I was listening to a radio talk show on our local Christian station earlier today while at work. The pastor was explaining about anger - and just how subtle (and destructive) it can be. Of course the scripture was mentioned (which I've heard many a time before today) - don't let the sun go down on your anger. My problem I've found (especially with my husband) is that I can find myself enjoying the misery...it almost feels like 'normal.' I guess somewhere in my twisted mind - I must be thinking that I'm punishing him. (But in reality - I'm punishing both of us...as well as God! Yep...the radio pastor went on to tell me that it grieves God for me to be angry with my husband. And HE can't work in me/thru me when I'm riddled with anger. Ouch.
So, I've got to find a way to speak up/out with my husband when I am hurt, angered, etc...That way I'm not giving satan an opportunity to help me justify my anger. (The bible also says the only acceptable anger is of the righteous kind.) We've got to find a way to work it out before our heads hit the pillow.
I can honestly tell when my heart is harboring hurt & anger. It feeds on that emotion of 'woe is me' or 'I'll show him, by golly!'
Well, looking at the bigger picture - it is my honor (and duty) to make the first move to reconcile with my lover, my husband. EASIER SAID THAN DONE! But with God's help I'm gonna keep tryin!


AND THE LORD'S BOND-SERVANT MUST NOT BE QUARRELSOME, BUT BE KIND TO ALL, ABLE TO TEACH, PATIENT WHEN WRONGED, WITH GENTLENESS CORRECTING THOSE WHO ARE IN OPPOSITION, IF PERHAPS GOD MAY GRANT THEM REPENTANCE LEADING TO THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE TRUTH... (2 Timothy 24-25)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen