Oh...my...gracious! Where DID the time go?
I just blinked and it's been a month since my last post here!!! Forgive me, dear cyber-friends.
I guess I've been busy...baking/decorating cookies, shopping & shipping Christmas presents to family, setting up & taking down decorations, trips to Garden City to tend to a STUBBORN dental piece that JUST WON'T STAY GLUED DOWN!!!!
Anyway, I think it's about time to put up a new post...so here it comes. (right after I feed my daughter some lunch...grilled cheese & soup. Nothing quite like it on a cold, Kansas day!)
My devotional this morning was about becoming more Christ-like. Darn...just when I was wanting to throw in the towel. Life is hard! But God is good! And HE knows everything that's going on. I just have to remember that He's in complete control. There's nothing (let me say it with emphasis...NOTHING) that goes on that He doesn't already know. And if I can just keep my head about me...and keep my faith & trust STRONG in HIM...then NOTHING can harm me! I will be victorious IN HIM. He will go before me & fight for me. Period.
In the meantime it's my job to surrender all (everything I am...everything I have) to His Will. That can be pretty dang hard sometimes. Especially knowing satan's pretty smart & knows my weaknesses...my areas where I'm most vulnerable. I MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER WHO I BELONG TO, SWEET DAUGHTER of THE GOD of the UNIVERSE!!!!
My counseling this past week was SO helpful. I wrote down everything I could think of that I've been told that I am (some of the many LIES that I've bought into in my lifetime). These 'LIES' were then taped to a big, red heart pillow that was resting on my lap (representing my heart). My counselor helped me walk through that list: item-by-item...lie-by-lie. And replaced each one with TRUTH from THE WORD of GOD! I ripped up the list of lies (into tiny shreds I might add)...which felt pretty good...freeing. As a matter of fact - I highly recommend anyone reading this post to try it. You'll feel a heavy burden lifted...and a new freedom that's exhilirating!
My prescription from my counselor: Read through my list of TRUTHS every day for the next two weeks. ok...doc...here I go...
COME TO ME ALL WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY-LADEN, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. (Matt 11:28)
HE GIVES STRENGTH TO THE WEARY AND TO HIM WHO LACKS MIGHT HE INCREASES POWER. (Isaiah 40:29)
Thought this post needed two scripture references.
keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday & Fantasy Football
Nothing is quite like a lazy, sunny Sunday afternoon. I love Sundays like this. Sunday school...church...lunch...and then....ahhh...the afternoon before me. Nothing obligatory in front of me. Just the afternoon with my family. This particular Sunday follows the hustle of the Thanksgiving week. It was a good Thanksgiving. The only thing that would have made it better - to see my two 'TX' children that live in Austin. It just didn't work out to see them...although our best laid plans seemed tailor-made. My son's work schedule just got in the way. Sometimes you have to make a choice...which is more important...and sometimes you don't get the choice...because it's already made for you. (I'm not quite sure which category my son's situation was)...nevertheless, we made our way back to Kansas yesterday - leaving TX without so much as a 'hello & hug' from my two. Oh well, we say, we'll make sure "next time."
My sweet husband would've moved the sun & moon to make it possible for me to see my kids. Ya know...my mama used to say "hindsight is 20/20" - if I'd only known now what I didn't know then - I would have driven myself to Austin on Friday to see them. It is what it is...so I tell my 18yr old daughter - we'll move forward and make plans for next time.
So through my tears on Friday night my hubby (the loving pastor that he is) reminds me that we (parents) raise our children to become independent and that's what my kids are in essence doing. They're working their way toward independence and although it can be sad for me - it's necessary for them.
Now how did I get so far down that rabbit trail from my topic for this post 'Sunday & Fantasy Football?'
Oh yeah, hubby (pastor/fantasy football maniac) has spent the last few minutes going from the TV 'tube' football game to the computer - to check his stats for his fantasy team. I guess it's fun - I wouldn't know...I don't do the fantasy football 'thing.' I just watch...and ponder. He says he won't be doing it either...next year. He says instead of enjoying the game...he's too worried about his players and points. (I can see that - which is probably another reason why I don't do it)
I think that might be how some people go through their lives. Instead of just sitting back & enjoying the game, they're too worried about their players & their points - and winning.
Hey, I've already won the game of life and will celebrate like there's no tomorrow at a really big feast with my King in heaven one day. (Yipee)
Join me?
THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN MAY BE COMPARED TO A KING, WHO GAVE A WEDDING FEAST FOR HIS SON. (Matthew 22:2)
keep the faith, sweet friend
~love karen
My sweet husband would've moved the sun & moon to make it possible for me to see my kids. Ya know...my mama used to say "hindsight is 20/20" - if I'd only known now what I didn't know then - I would have driven myself to Austin on Friday to see them. It is what it is...so I tell my 18yr old daughter - we'll move forward and make plans for next time.
So through my tears on Friday night my hubby (the loving pastor that he is) reminds me that we (parents) raise our children to become independent and that's what my kids are in essence doing. They're working their way toward independence and although it can be sad for me - it's necessary for them.
Now how did I get so far down that rabbit trail from my topic for this post 'Sunday & Fantasy Football?'
Oh yeah, hubby (pastor/fantasy football maniac) has spent the last few minutes going from the TV 'tube' football game to the computer - to check his stats for his fantasy team. I guess it's fun - I wouldn't know...I don't do the fantasy football 'thing.' I just watch...and ponder. He says he won't be doing it either...next year. He says instead of enjoying the game...he's too worried about his players and points. (I can see that - which is probably another reason why I don't do it)
I think that might be how some people go through their lives. Instead of just sitting back & enjoying the game, they're too worried about their players & their points - and winning.
Hey, I've already won the game of life and will celebrate like there's no tomorrow at a really big feast with my King in heaven one day. (Yipee)
Join me?
THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN MAY BE COMPARED TO A KING, WHO GAVE A WEDDING FEAST FOR HIS SON. (Matthew 22:2)
keep the faith, sweet friend
~love karen
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Quiet
Just a quiet evening...following a big Saturday morning...after a long, tiring week. Ever have one of those? I continue to work on my relationships. I've been told I'd live the life of a hermit if I could. Part of me thinks..."heck, yeah - that'd be nice & quiet for a spell" - while another part of me thinks..."NO, No - I like being around people - and that would make me blue." Hhmmmm...such a delimma.
So, back to my week. Hubby & I continue to communicate on a deeper level. This is new to me b/c I've always held close relationships at a distance - while living behind that mask. I think that's been my security blanket, which makes perfect sense. If I keep close relationships at bay...then it doesn't hurt quite so bad when my feelings are hurt or I'm disappointed in some way. The only problem with that? I can think of several...a) I never get to experience REAL joy along with the people I love the most, b) If I'm hiding behind that mask and not communicating when something hurts...how is the other person going to know I'm hurt...and we try to remedy/find a solution?, c) I'm not a living partner in a marriage relationship that God created & intends for me to exist in...shall I go on?
Bottom line is - I love my husband with all my heart...I'm figuring out there will be times that I disappoint, frustrate, anger (etc) him - and he will do the same to me. BUT we will work through those conflicts and grow closer to each other through it. I'm also learning that conflict isn't a bad thing...it's a necessary thing in a good marriage.
NO DISCIPLINE SEEMS PLEASANT AT THE TIME, BUT PAINFUL. LATER ON, HOWEVER, IT PRODUCES A HARVEST OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND PEACE FOR THOSE TRAINED BY IT. (Hebrews 12:11)
keep the faith, sweet friend
~karen
So, back to my week. Hubby & I continue to communicate on a deeper level. This is new to me b/c I've always held close relationships at a distance - while living behind that mask. I think that's been my security blanket, which makes perfect sense. If I keep close relationships at bay...then it doesn't hurt quite so bad when my feelings are hurt or I'm disappointed in some way. The only problem with that? I can think of several...a) I never get to experience REAL joy along with the people I love the most, b) If I'm hiding behind that mask and not communicating when something hurts...how is the other person going to know I'm hurt...and we try to remedy/find a solution?, c) I'm not a living partner in a marriage relationship that God created & intends for me to exist in...shall I go on?
Bottom line is - I love my husband with all my heart...I'm figuring out there will be times that I disappoint, frustrate, anger (etc) him - and he will do the same to me. BUT we will work through those conflicts and grow closer to each other through it. I'm also learning that conflict isn't a bad thing...it's a necessary thing in a good marriage.
NO DISCIPLINE SEEMS PLEASANT AT THE TIME, BUT PAINFUL. LATER ON, HOWEVER, IT PRODUCES A HARVEST OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND PEACE FOR THOSE TRAINED BY IT. (Hebrews 12:11)
keep the faith, sweet friend
~karen
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Freedom.
It is for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.
I must say I've not really understood this scripture...ever. I am, however, beginning to see/taste/comprehend the true freedom in Christ.
I can be under the yoke of slavery in just about anything. A slave to work...a slave to food...a slave to shopping (yeah, baby!)...a slave to responsibility.
The truth is - as my dear, sweet & wise husband likes to say - 50 years from now we'll all be dead - and the things of this world won't matter a bit. (We need to be about the business of loving others, sacrificing for others, speaking the hope that is within us - freely & LOUDLY (if need be).
When one comes into an understanding of freedom in Christ - wow - how freeing that alone is. Knowing I will not be condemned to die in my sin - but instead to live out my existence in eternity in freedom & being in the presence of The King. (mindboggling, ain't it?)
I must say I've not really understood this scripture...ever. I am, however, beginning to see/taste/comprehend the true freedom in Christ.
I can be under the yoke of slavery in just about anything. A slave to work...a slave to food...a slave to shopping (yeah, baby!)...a slave to responsibility.
The truth is - as my dear, sweet & wise husband likes to say - 50 years from now we'll all be dead - and the things of this world won't matter a bit. (We need to be about the business of loving others, sacrificing for others, speaking the hope that is within us - freely & LOUDLY (if need be).
When one comes into an understanding of freedom in Christ - wow - how freeing that alone is. Knowing I will not be condemned to die in my sin - but instead to live out my existence in eternity in freedom & being in the presence of The King. (mindboggling, ain't it?)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Dishonesty
What a pain! Dishonesty. What a crutch! Dishonesty. What a shame! Dishonesty.
Have you ever had someone near to you be dishonest. C'mon...everyone has. If you're the bearer of the lie...it ways heavy on your conscience (or it should). If you're the recepient of the lie...it hurts...sometimes very DEEPLY. The only thing I can say, right now, is...hang on. God is still on His throne...and He loves YOU more than you can imagine...and He's got a plan.
I have had a piece of paper taped to the cabinet above my desk at work (right about eye-level) that holds scripture that has helped me through the depths of pain I've encountered. My sweet, sweet friend (a sister in Christ & prayer warrior) sent me these pieces of God's Word that have been honey to my soul. I've actually clung to one in particular for quite some time. I share it with you, dear friend, because I think it might help you through something...someday.
THE LORD IS NEAR TO THE BROKENHEARTED AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.
(Psalm 34:18)
Keep the faith, sweet friend
~karen
Have you ever had someone near to you be dishonest. C'mon...everyone has. If you're the bearer of the lie...it ways heavy on your conscience (or it should). If you're the recepient of the lie...it hurts...sometimes very DEEPLY. The only thing I can say, right now, is...hang on. God is still on His throne...and He loves YOU more than you can imagine...and He's got a plan.
I have had a piece of paper taped to the cabinet above my desk at work (right about eye-level) that holds scripture that has helped me through the depths of pain I've encountered. My sweet, sweet friend (a sister in Christ & prayer warrior) sent me these pieces of God's Word that have been honey to my soul. I've actually clung to one in particular for quite some time. I share it with you, dear friend, because I think it might help you through something...someday.
THE LORD IS NEAR TO THE BROKENHEARTED AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.
(Psalm 34:18)
Keep the faith, sweet friend
~karen
Alone
Did you ever feel completely and totally alone? Did you ever want to just cry out to the sky until you were hoarse and had no voice left? Did you ever know something so sad & terrible that you didn't even know how to manage holding the thoughts in your head because you thought if you did you'd die? I've been there. It's an emptiness that is inexplainable.
Sometimes wives of men in the pastorate have to deal with feelings & emotions all alone in the emptiness. There's an emptiness in space. Sometimes the quiet peace of space (I'm talking way-out-there-Milky-Way kind of space) is calming to my mind. Out there - there is no pain, tears & terrible things.
Even though I sometimes feel that way ~ I am reminded that I am never alone. That is why Jesus left this earth through the most painful death there is...so I would not have to be alone. He departed so that there could be a Comforter come.
"Come and dwell within me, O Great Comforter. ~ Come and help me deal with the pain."
Pastor's wives, you are not alone. You too have the Comforter. Hold on to Him when times get tough...like I do. Wives, husbands, teens, little children, collegiates...this is the same Comforter that you can lean on, too.
I am reminded of a song that's playing over & over in my head lately...
I need you Jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can I go
there's no other name
for which I am saved
capture me with grace
I will follow you.
(Artist: Newsong)
"...DO NOT BE GRIEVED, FOR THE JOY OF THE LORD IS YOUR STRENGTH." (Nehemiah 8:10)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
Sometimes wives of men in the pastorate have to deal with feelings & emotions all alone in the emptiness. There's an emptiness in space. Sometimes the quiet peace of space (I'm talking way-out-there-Milky-Way kind of space) is calming to my mind. Out there - there is no pain, tears & terrible things.
Even though I sometimes feel that way ~ I am reminded that I am never alone. That is why Jesus left this earth through the most painful death there is...so I would not have to be alone. He departed so that there could be a Comforter come.
"Come and dwell within me, O Great Comforter. ~ Come and help me deal with the pain."
Pastor's wives, you are not alone. You too have the Comforter. Hold on to Him when times get tough...like I do. Wives, husbands, teens, little children, collegiates...this is the same Comforter that you can lean on, too.
I am reminded of a song that's playing over & over in my head lately...
I need you Jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can I go
there's no other name
for which I am saved
capture me with grace
I will follow you.
(Artist: Newsong)
"...DO NOT BE GRIEVED, FOR THE JOY OF THE LORD IS YOUR STRENGTH." (Nehemiah 8:10)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Toasted & Torn
Michael touched down in Kansas, heading home from Kenya, as I worked on staff at a bereavement camp. He arrived home around 3am - unpacked a little, unwound a little - then off to bed...only to rise about 6am and get ready to lead church (Sunday school & the sermon). Coming off of a 27-hour/3 flight trip plus 4-5 hour car ride just to get home...he was toasted. And I was...torn. I knew being a part of the camp was important. I'd worked on staff at the camp two years ago...couldn't work last year b/c my sweet Jordan (18yr old in TX) had her homecoming game as a senior on the varsity cheer squad - and 'mom' wasn't missing it for anything! So here I was another year later and back at camp for the weekend. Most of my heart was left at home - anticipating the arrival of my 'warrior' home from Africa. I decided to clean the house as best I could - borrowing the super-sucking vacuumn cleaner from the church, making beds & cleaning the kitchen. Heck, I even dusted half of the shelves in the living room (something I think I've not done in maybe a year)!
I'd left decorated acorn cookies labeled with a tiny message 'Welcome Home' on the counter for my honey - along with a brief message scribbled on yellow legal pad paper. I was guilt ridden about being at camp - yet torn because it was a ministry I was involved in. I hoped I could shake the guilt and just be a helper for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Never in a million years did I think I would leave the campsite taking more home than I came with. God spoke such sweetness to me over the weekend. Some of which came through the words of my husband with a phone call mid-way through the camp. He said he knew where my heart was - with him, now at home. That I was being Christ-like and needed to move my attention to the campers in helping them grieve...and we'd be together soon enough.
...boy was that a L-O-N-G ride home (which was only a 35 mile trip).
ALL THINGS COME TOGETHER FOR GOOD, FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. (Romans 8:28)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
I'd left decorated acorn cookies labeled with a tiny message 'Welcome Home' on the counter for my honey - along with a brief message scribbled on yellow legal pad paper. I was guilt ridden about being at camp - yet torn because it was a ministry I was involved in. I hoped I could shake the guilt and just be a helper for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Never in a million years did I think I would leave the campsite taking more home than I came with. God spoke such sweetness to me over the weekend. Some of which came through the words of my husband with a phone call mid-way through the camp. He said he knew where my heart was - with him, now at home. That I was being Christ-like and needed to move my attention to the campers in helping them grieve...and we'd be together soon enough.
...boy was that a L-O-N-G ride home (which was only a 35 mile trip).
ALL THINGS COME TOGETHER FOR GOOD, FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. (Romans 8:28)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Somewhere inbetween...
Ok...confession time again. I must openly admit that I get discouraged sometimes. And I know it's not of God when I start to feel inadequate! In fact, I know it's not God who is the author of doubt! (it is the author of darkness - otherwise known as satan)
Nevertheless, I found myself feeling pretty small tonight as I viewed a (very successful) blog of an old friend of mine from college. She has made quite a name for herself with the scrapbooking/rubber stamping world...and I am truly happy and in awe of her. She is breathing success as she carves a name for herself in that realm of creativity. God has/is richly blessing her & I'm so excited. The darkness that sets into my mind and tries to take root is feeling inadequate as a human. No, I'm not famous in any realm (on the grand scale of earthly views)...but I AM famous to Brady Grace Klumpp, Justin & Jordan Jung, Jennifer, Ian, Paige & Nico Klumpp, Charity, Natolie and a host of others that know/have known me as "mom, step-mom, & adopted mom" over the past several years. I may never know the impact I had on these lives. I pray it was that I've done a little bit of 'right' in all the wrong I did.
Somehow I've managed to take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on earthly things. I've been measuring myself in human terms instead of heavenly ones. I've felt very insignificant lately. I've looked for an audience of many - instead of remembering I should be singing praises to an audience of ONE. The focus has been on me and it should be on HIM.
Thank you Holy God, for reminding me how important I am in Your sight. Help me to see myself - not as I see me - but the way You do. Remind me that You knit me inside Nancy's womb - knowing everything I would ever be, do, seek, and know...and still you continue to love me just the way I am. Help me to love others the way You love me..and help me show others the unconditional love you freely give. Amen.
I always feel so much better when I take my heartaches to heaven. God always turns my sorrow into joy...no matter what my circumstance. Try it sometime...I challenge you to seek Him. You'll never be the same.
Have you ever felt small & inadequate? Let me hear from ya! I'll pray for you...I promise.
BEHOLD, I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK; IF ANYONE HEARS MY VOICE AND OPENS THE DOOR, I WILL COME IN TO HIM, AND WILL DINE WITH HIM, AND HE WITH ME. (Revelations 3:20)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
Nevertheless, I found myself feeling pretty small tonight as I viewed a (very successful) blog of an old friend of mine from college. She has made quite a name for herself with the scrapbooking/rubber stamping world...and I am truly happy and in awe of her. She is breathing success as she carves a name for herself in that realm of creativity. God has/is richly blessing her & I'm so excited. The darkness that sets into my mind and tries to take root is feeling inadequate as a human. No, I'm not famous in any realm (on the grand scale of earthly views)...but I AM famous to Brady Grace Klumpp, Justin & Jordan Jung, Jennifer, Ian, Paige & Nico Klumpp, Charity, Natolie and a host of others that know/have known me as "mom, step-mom, & adopted mom" over the past several years. I may never know the impact I had on these lives. I pray it was that I've done a little bit of 'right' in all the wrong I did.
Somehow I've managed to take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on earthly things. I've been measuring myself in human terms instead of heavenly ones. I've felt very insignificant lately. I've looked for an audience of many - instead of remembering I should be singing praises to an audience of ONE. The focus has been on me and it should be on HIM.
Thank you Holy God, for reminding me how important I am in Your sight. Help me to see myself - not as I see me - but the way You do. Remind me that You knit me inside Nancy's womb - knowing everything I would ever be, do, seek, and know...and still you continue to love me just the way I am. Help me to love others the way You love me..and help me show others the unconditional love you freely give. Amen.
I always feel so much better when I take my heartaches to heaven. God always turns my sorrow into joy...no matter what my circumstance. Try it sometime...I challenge you to seek Him. You'll never be the same.
Have you ever felt small & inadequate? Let me hear from ya! I'll pray for you...I promise.
BEHOLD, I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK; IF ANYONE HEARS MY VOICE AND OPENS THE DOOR, I WILL COME IN TO HIM, AND WILL DINE WITH HIM, AND HE WITH ME. (Revelations 3:20)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Single Parenting 101
Oh boy...here we go. Papa Bear has left the den to help a hurting country across the pond. (Kenya) He left yesterday morning...bound for Wichita, KS - to Chicago, IL - to Istanbul - to Nairobi. Our sweet Paige, celebrating her birthday yesterday...traveled with her Papa to Africa. We are praying for their safety, as well as for God's Hand to move their work in a mighty way.
My life for the next two weeks should be pretty interesting. Busy, absolutely! Tiring, you betcha! Fulfilling, count on it! Lonely, probably. Sleepless, probably. I missed Michael even before he was out of Kansas.
We'd had a 'spat' on Sunday (the day before his departure). Looking back (as always) it was over something so trivial (aka: stupid). This time my computer was the catalyst ~ with Michael trying to clean it out. As he looked thru the control panel he asked, "Ever use - - -? (enter photo software name here). My response, "Uhhh..I think...it rings a bell." I think that same response came from my lips on every question he asked after that.
Long story short - He was trying...and I was trying to kill his confidence in himself to accomplish the task. (I succeeded) And our afternoon - into evening - was a miserable, lonely, separate time.
I was listening to a radio talk show on our local Christian station earlier today while at work. The pastor was explaining about anger - and just how subtle (and destructive) it can be. Of course the scripture was mentioned (which I've heard many a time before today) - don't let the sun go down on your anger. My problem I've found (especially with my husband) is that I can find myself enjoying the misery...it almost feels like 'normal.' I guess somewhere in my twisted mind - I must be thinking that I'm punishing him. (But in reality - I'm punishing both of us...as well as God! Yep...the radio pastor went on to tell me that it grieves God for me to be angry with my husband. And HE can't work in me/thru me when I'm riddled with anger. Ouch.
So, I've got to find a way to speak up/out with my husband when I am hurt, angered, etc...That way I'm not giving satan an opportunity to help me justify my anger. (The bible also says the only acceptable anger is of the righteous kind.) We've got to find a way to work it out before our heads hit the pillow.
I can honestly tell when my heart is harboring hurt & anger. It feeds on that emotion of 'woe is me' or 'I'll show him, by golly!'
Well, looking at the bigger picture - it is my honor (and duty) to make the first move to reconcile with my lover, my husband. EASIER SAID THAN DONE! But with God's help I'm gonna keep tryin!
AND THE LORD'S BOND-SERVANT MUST NOT BE QUARRELSOME, BUT BE KIND TO ALL, ABLE TO TEACH, PATIENT WHEN WRONGED, WITH GENTLENESS CORRECTING THOSE WHO ARE IN OPPOSITION, IF PERHAPS GOD MAY GRANT THEM REPENTANCE LEADING TO THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE TRUTH... (2 Timothy 24-25)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
My life for the next two weeks should be pretty interesting. Busy, absolutely! Tiring, you betcha! Fulfilling, count on it! Lonely, probably. Sleepless, probably. I missed Michael even before he was out of Kansas.
We'd had a 'spat' on Sunday (the day before his departure). Looking back (as always) it was over something so trivial (aka: stupid). This time my computer was the catalyst ~ with Michael trying to clean it out. As he looked thru the control panel he asked, "Ever use - - -? (enter photo software name here). My response, "Uhhh..I think...it rings a bell." I think that same response came from my lips on every question he asked after that.
Long story short - He was trying...and I was trying to kill his confidence in himself to accomplish the task. (I succeeded) And our afternoon - into evening - was a miserable, lonely, separate time.
I was listening to a radio talk show on our local Christian station earlier today while at work. The pastor was explaining about anger - and just how subtle (and destructive) it can be. Of course the scripture was mentioned (which I've heard many a time before today) - don't let the sun go down on your anger. My problem I've found (especially with my husband) is that I can find myself enjoying the misery...it almost feels like 'normal.' I guess somewhere in my twisted mind - I must be thinking that I'm punishing him. (But in reality - I'm punishing both of us...as well as God! Yep...the radio pastor went on to tell me that it grieves God for me to be angry with my husband. And HE can't work in me/thru me when I'm riddled with anger. Ouch.
So, I've got to find a way to speak up/out with my husband when I am hurt, angered, etc...That way I'm not giving satan an opportunity to help me justify my anger. (The bible also says the only acceptable anger is of the righteous kind.) We've got to find a way to work it out before our heads hit the pillow.
I can honestly tell when my heart is harboring hurt & anger. It feeds on that emotion of 'woe is me' or 'I'll show him, by golly!'
Well, looking at the bigger picture - it is my honor (and duty) to make the first move to reconcile with my lover, my husband. EASIER SAID THAN DONE! But with God's help I'm gonna keep tryin!
AND THE LORD'S BOND-SERVANT MUST NOT BE QUARRELSOME, BUT BE KIND TO ALL, ABLE TO TEACH, PATIENT WHEN WRONGED, WITH GENTLENESS CORRECTING THOSE WHO ARE IN OPPOSITION, IF PERHAPS GOD MAY GRANT THEM REPENTANCE LEADING TO THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE TRUTH... (2 Timothy 24-25)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Pumpkin Patch
Today was a fun day with my sweet family. We've a wonderful couple who live at the edge of our town. Every year they open their pumpkin field to anyone/everyone to come, pick & keep as many pumpkins as you can carry. They provide hayrides, sweet apple cider (as you watch apples from their orchard turn into juice with their ol' cranker - juicer). All of this is provided FREE...it is their ministry. And all children (young & old) turn out for the festivities! It was a crisp fall day - as we drove to their farm. It was beautiful and we were all pumped for the fun. The only thing I found wrong was the feeling of my head beginning to pound - as I tried to understand why my head was starting to hurt. (Could it be something had blown in with the crazy Kansas winds this past week? Could it be that I'm tired - the crazy schedule that I've been trying to keep up with: work 36-40 hrs/week, karate & Zumba classes twice/week, walking with my angel/friends every morning, church on Wednesdays (3-8pm)...and now baking...a lot.? Or could it be some repressed anger that I'm not dealing with - which my husband asked - "what are you mad about?" on the way to the patch.)
I don't know. I think it's probably something blown in. I've been really blessed & have not been too sick since we've moved from TX, August 08. But maybe, just maybe it's something more..?? Something that I'm really not wanting to deal with? Hmmm.
My investigation continues..
When you've hidden behind a mask for SO long, like me, it becomes really easy to "put on a happy face" when your heart is breaking in two. Another way of life for me was being "numb." Numb to all emotion meant I didn't have to feel the pain and therefore it didn't matter what anyone said/did to me. I was just going through the motions of the day. I can remember a particular day when I was traveling with family. My children were young (ages 4-8, I think). There were 10 of us (six extended family included). I found my place near the back of the big Suburban we were riding in - where all the children were strategically placed away from the adults. I didn't mind sitting there among the kids b/c I was numb. I remember spending hours looking out the window - watching Texas disappear and Colorado come into focus. I remember seeing the birds gliding so gently through the sky. They represented freedom to me. A freedom I didn't know - only from a distance. My heart knew no pain because there was no feeling. Only years later sitting with a Christian counselor that God led me to...did I realize if I were going to be numb to all emotion, that would include joy. I wouldn't know joy - couldn't have joy in my life. As hard as it was to face that pain - God gave me strength & courage to meet it head on. It was during that time that I witnessed the love of Christ that was real. Real love from a real Christ for a hurting little girl.
I'm still working on that communication issue.
Why is it I can't always open my mouth and speak my mind? Always afraid of 'upsetting the applecart' or disappointing someone I love? So I live behind the mask. But that's living a lie..right?
Run from conflict...that's me. Sometimes it feels like I just walk on eggshells. Ever felt that way? Let me hear from ya.
THE LORD IS NEAR TO THE BROKENHEARTED, AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT. (Psalm 34:18) and HE HEALS THE BROKENHEARTED, AND BINDS UP THEIR WOUNDS. (Psalm 147:3)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
I don't know. I think it's probably something blown in. I've been really blessed & have not been too sick since we've moved from TX, August 08. But maybe, just maybe it's something more..?? Something that I'm really not wanting to deal with? Hmmm.
My investigation continues..
When you've hidden behind a mask for SO long, like me, it becomes really easy to "put on a happy face" when your heart is breaking in two. Another way of life for me was being "numb." Numb to all emotion meant I didn't have to feel the pain and therefore it didn't matter what anyone said/did to me. I was just going through the motions of the day. I can remember a particular day when I was traveling with family. My children were young (ages 4-8, I think). There were 10 of us (six extended family included). I found my place near the back of the big Suburban we were riding in - where all the children were strategically placed away from the adults. I didn't mind sitting there among the kids b/c I was numb. I remember spending hours looking out the window - watching Texas disappear and Colorado come into focus. I remember seeing the birds gliding so gently through the sky. They represented freedom to me. A freedom I didn't know - only from a distance. My heart knew no pain because there was no feeling. Only years later sitting with a Christian counselor that God led me to...did I realize if I were going to be numb to all emotion, that would include joy. I wouldn't know joy - couldn't have joy in my life. As hard as it was to face that pain - God gave me strength & courage to meet it head on. It was during that time that I witnessed the love of Christ that was real. Real love from a real Christ for a hurting little girl.
I'm still working on that communication issue.
Why is it I can't always open my mouth and speak my mind? Always afraid of 'upsetting the applecart' or disappointing someone I love? So I live behind the mask. But that's living a lie..right?
Run from conflict...that's me. Sometimes it feels like I just walk on eggshells. Ever felt that way? Let me hear from ya.
THE LORD IS NEAR TO THE BROKENHEARTED, AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT. (Psalm 34:18) and HE HEALS THE BROKENHEARTED, AND BINDS UP THEIR WOUNDS. (Psalm 147:3)
keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen
Monday, September 27, 2010
The Investigation...
Ok...so last night I started a reflective look into myself. I've never been one that's good with relationships - and realize I'm probably old enough now to get down to business & figure it out. Looking back into my past may prove to be a little unnerving - but I want to be a better person for my family - my husband, my children, my parents, my sister...all those whom I love.
So here goes...
I ran from relationships when I was little. I was constantly busy growing up - dance lessons, baton lessons, voice lessons, drama group, rehearsals...the list was exhaustive & endless. It was the best of times - it was the worst of times. (I will FOREVER be grateful to my wonderful parents who allowed me to do all the things i loved growing up. Heck, they carpooled me everywhere!) While I absolutely LOVED all the creative activities I was involved in...it also gave me a great opportunity to hide behind masks. This was something I became VERY good at. And I probably have some traces of this character flaw still buried deep within. I've also learned it was a way to hide any pain that I might be experiencing. Ok, I'll be transparent. Yes, there was pain within the four walls of my childhood home. (I'm not sure there's anyone out there who could honestly say there was no painful experiences in their homes while growing up.) I've decided there IS NO SUCH THING as a functional family. We are ALL dysfunctional - We have ALL SINNED and fall short of the glory of God. And better still - God loves us JUST THE WAY WE ARE. I heard something just this past weekend...it was a reminder of something I'd heard long ago...and God needed me to hear it again...let it seep into my bones deeply. God doesn't see the ugly, dirty, sin-filled 'me' when He looks upon me. HE sees the ONE who took my place (Jesus)...the PERFECT one, my REDEEMER. And this is all because Jesus took on my filth/sin at the cross & in exchange He freely gave me His unblemished record. Wow. Mind-boggling, isn't it?!
I will continue my investigation on yet another day...
FEAR NOT, FOR I(GOD) HAVE REDEEMED YOU(enter your name here); I(GOD) HAVE CALLED YOU BY YOUR NAME; YOU ARE MINE(GOD). (Isaiah 43:1)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~karen
So here goes...
I ran from relationships when I was little. I was constantly busy growing up - dance lessons, baton lessons, voice lessons, drama group, rehearsals...the list was exhaustive & endless. It was the best of times - it was the worst of times. (I will FOREVER be grateful to my wonderful parents who allowed me to do all the things i loved growing up. Heck, they carpooled me everywhere!) While I absolutely LOVED all the creative activities I was involved in...it also gave me a great opportunity to hide behind masks. This was something I became VERY good at. And I probably have some traces of this character flaw still buried deep within. I've also learned it was a way to hide any pain that I might be experiencing. Ok, I'll be transparent. Yes, there was pain within the four walls of my childhood home. (I'm not sure there's anyone out there who could honestly say there was no painful experiences in their homes while growing up.) I've decided there IS NO SUCH THING as a functional family. We are ALL dysfunctional - We have ALL SINNED and fall short of the glory of God. And better still - God loves us JUST THE WAY WE ARE. I heard something just this past weekend...it was a reminder of something I'd heard long ago...and God needed me to hear it again...let it seep into my bones deeply. God doesn't see the ugly, dirty, sin-filled 'me' when He looks upon me. HE sees the ONE who took my place (Jesus)...the PERFECT one, my REDEEMER. And this is all because Jesus took on my filth/sin at the cross & in exchange He freely gave me His unblemished record. Wow. Mind-boggling, isn't it?!
I will continue my investigation on yet another day...
FEAR NOT, FOR I(GOD) HAVE REDEEMED YOU(enter your name here); I(GOD) HAVE CALLED YOU BY YOUR NAME; YOU ARE MINE(GOD). (Isaiah 43:1)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~karen
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Welcoming the night...
Ahhhh...there's nothing quite like a long bath in the quiet of the evening! It's been a busy, but wonderful, weekend in the lives of the klumpps is kansas. There's been so much that has happened - I can't even remember Friday night! I know it involved baking & decorating cookies!!! (3 dozen 'crabbies' - no, not from the world of Sponge Bob - but for a good friend & fellow church member attending a fellowship of friends. Check out the pics on my facebook account.)
The TV is on and I'm half-way listening to a show about two outdoorsmen trying to survive the great outdoors. They're talking about being 'connected'...and it has me pondering...what about being connected? What is being connected? Connected to my Creator? Connected to my husband? Connected to my family? (children, parents, siblings) Wow...that's alot of connections. And to be truthful & transparent...I'm not very good with connections. In fact, I'm pretty disconnected when it comes to relationships. This has led me to begin an internal investigation on relationships and why I'm so bad with them. My investigation begins with thinking about my Creator. HE's the Author of relationships. HE's perfect with relationships...and He's going to help me understand 'me' and get better at it. I will trust HIM because HE loves me.
(Thank you, Stephen Fryrear - San Antonio, TX - and beautiful wife, Carleigh...for reminding me this weekend just how much "God Loves Me." I will forever be singing your song.)
FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD - HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON. THAT WHOSOEVER WOULD BELIEVE IN HIM WOULD NOT PERISH...BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE. (John 3:16)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~karen
The TV is on and I'm half-way listening to a show about two outdoorsmen trying to survive the great outdoors. They're talking about being 'connected'...and it has me pondering...what about being connected? What is being connected? Connected to my Creator? Connected to my husband? Connected to my family? (children, parents, siblings) Wow...that's alot of connections. And to be truthful & transparent...I'm not very good with connections. In fact, I'm pretty disconnected when it comes to relationships. This has led me to begin an internal investigation on relationships and why I'm so bad with them. My investigation begins with thinking about my Creator. HE's the Author of relationships. HE's perfect with relationships...and He's going to help me understand 'me' and get better at it. I will trust HIM because HE loves me.
(Thank you, Stephen Fryrear - San Antonio, TX - and beautiful wife, Carleigh...for reminding me this weekend just how much "God Loves Me." I will forever be singing your song.)
FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD - HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON. THAT WHOSOEVER WOULD BELIEVE IN HIM WOULD NOT PERISH...BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE. (John 3:16)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~karen
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Spiritual warfare!
It's real. Be strong & courageous. Be prepared. Put on the complete armor of God - and stand ready. Take no prisoners.
Michael heads up the Africa Mission Team that will leave in just a couple weeks. (October 4th to be exact). I know God plans to do mighty things with his MIGHTY HAND becuase satan's attack has continued to grow. Emotions are raw - communication is fried - and we all grow weary. "PLEASE, GOD, SEND IN THE TROOPS, THE BACK-UP. THANK YOU, FATHER."
We'll get through this because Our God is an Awesome, Mighty God who has already defeated the darkness & we already know the end of the story! We have nothing to fear when we realize God is on our side - and has our back.
The hard part for me is just hanging on...sometimes I feel my lifeline growing weak - and I think it'd be easier to just let go. But that's not in the plan, I know, so I pray and God brings about a peace in my existence that translates a calm...and reminder that He's in charge.
I remember hearing something (I think at a women's conference) once. It was a perfect visual for me. Here it is...picutre this...two hands and arms - up to the the elbow. In the first frame: both hands are tightly grasped holding on to each other's arms (one being the hand of Jesus - the other being, mine). Second frame: one hand loosing grasp & letting go (mine) while the other (Jesus') continues to hold tight - not letting go.
That's one facet of who Jesus is for me - the One who's not going to let go of me...no matter what.
THE LORD IS MY LIGHT AND MY SALVATION; WHOM SHALL I FEAR? THE LORD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY LIFE; OF WHOM SHALL I BE AFRAID? (Psalm 27:1)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
Michael heads up the Africa Mission Team that will leave in just a couple weeks. (October 4th to be exact). I know God plans to do mighty things with his MIGHTY HAND becuase satan's attack has continued to grow. Emotions are raw - communication is fried - and we all grow weary. "PLEASE, GOD, SEND IN THE TROOPS, THE BACK-UP. THANK YOU, FATHER."
We'll get through this because Our God is an Awesome, Mighty God who has already defeated the darkness & we already know the end of the story! We have nothing to fear when we realize God is on our side - and has our back.
The hard part for me is just hanging on...sometimes I feel my lifeline growing weak - and I think it'd be easier to just let go. But that's not in the plan, I know, so I pray and God brings about a peace in my existence that translates a calm...and reminder that He's in charge.
I remember hearing something (I think at a women's conference) once. It was a perfect visual for me. Here it is...picutre this...two hands and arms - up to the the elbow. In the first frame: both hands are tightly grasped holding on to each other's arms (one being the hand of Jesus - the other being, mine). Second frame: one hand loosing grasp & letting go (mine) while the other (Jesus') continues to hold tight - not letting go.
That's one facet of who Jesus is for me - the One who's not going to let go of me...no matter what.
THE LORD IS MY LIGHT AND MY SALVATION; WHOM SHALL I FEAR? THE LORD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY LIFE; OF WHOM SHALL I BE AFRAID? (Psalm 27:1)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tired...
Goodness, gracious! Has it been this long since my last 'confession' (aka: blog)?? Guess life has been SO busy since. Let me think...hmmm...school started...girl scouts is starting...Crusader Kid club (after-school program at our church)...cookie baking & decorating...hubby preparing for Kenya mission trip (in Oct)...walking 6 mornings a week/3 miles each day with good girl-friends...and of course, work. Yep, I'm busy.
Ok, now about that title "Tired..." I'm finding that if I slow down for even just a minute - I'm more tired than if I'd not slowed at all. Why do you suppose that is? Maybe I'm on that circular wheel, like the hamster we used to have...round & round...never ceasing...until the very breath is choked out and I lay motionless on the cage floor. (Yikes!)
But all these are 'good, worthwhile' things in my life! How do I decipher which ones to weed out & which to keep? I think I know the answer - take it to 'the Man Upstairs.'
As much as I have been LOVING the cookie baking/decorating - I keep asking/praying - O God, is this of me? Or is this of You? Help me to know. I want nothing that isn't glorifying You. Then I guess I need to ask myself the question...is it adding to or taking away from my family? Ask my husband and the answer has been different on any given day. While I know in my heart he is trying to be supportive ~ I also see with my eyes that sometimes he feels neglected, that my emphasis (and time) is being spent in the kitchen and not with him. (Ouch) So I take my concerns (you guessed it)...back to my Father...because "HE Knows Best." (And I try to carve out a little time for my wonderful husband...like when I stopped baking to rub his tired, hurting feet with some really good eucalyptus oil we have).
Where I've found peace is knowing He is in complete control of me (and my surroundings)...and His timing is Perfect. He loves me beyond understanding and will guide my very steps ~ all I have to do is listen to His Voice (be still and know...), do what He says do (be obedient to ONLY Him), and TRUST.
"Thank you, Abba...Father...Daddy"
Now all I need is my pillow, blanket & a good 'chick-flick'...
"COME TO ME, ALL YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND BURDENED, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. (Matthew 11:28)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
Ok, now about that title "Tired..." I'm finding that if I slow down for even just a minute - I'm more tired than if I'd not slowed at all. Why do you suppose that is? Maybe I'm on that circular wheel, like the hamster we used to have...round & round...never ceasing...until the very breath is choked out and I lay motionless on the cage floor. (Yikes!)
But all these are 'good, worthwhile' things in my life! How do I decipher which ones to weed out & which to keep? I think I know the answer - take it to 'the Man Upstairs.'
As much as I have been LOVING the cookie baking/decorating - I keep asking/praying - O God, is this of me? Or is this of You? Help me to know. I want nothing that isn't glorifying You. Then I guess I need to ask myself the question...is it adding to or taking away from my family? Ask my husband and the answer has been different on any given day. While I know in my heart he is trying to be supportive ~ I also see with my eyes that sometimes he feels neglected, that my emphasis (and time) is being spent in the kitchen and not with him. (Ouch) So I take my concerns (you guessed it)...back to my Father...because "HE Knows Best." (And I try to carve out a little time for my wonderful husband...like when I stopped baking to rub his tired, hurting feet with some really good eucalyptus oil we have).
Where I've found peace is knowing He is in complete control of me (and my surroundings)...and His timing is Perfect. He loves me beyond understanding and will guide my very steps ~ all I have to do is listen to His Voice (be still and know...), do what He says do (be obedient to ONLY Him), and TRUST.
"Thank you, Abba...Father...Daddy"
Now all I need is my pillow, blanket & a good 'chick-flick'...
"COME TO ME, ALL YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND BURDENED, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. (Matthew 11:28)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Day 4
Well...I've got a 'whopper' of a confession. I got a REALLY big dose of sugar-sweetness this morning as I read some bio's of females that have (probably) highly successful blogs. Don't get me wrong - I'm so happy they are reaching out and helping many with their words. What rubs me is the "sugary-ness" that most of these women have near-perfect lives...they've married their high-school sweetheart, they have at least 3 kids, almost all of them homeschool their children (which I truly commend them for this, as I tried, loved it...but life happens and it was necessary for me to return to work)...they have time to blog beautiful posts as well as keep immaculate houses. Well, I'm left sitting here feeling like such a failure. I can't compete with that. My high-school sweetheart and I divorced just two weeks shy of our fifteenth wedding anniversary - both of us broken and lost...we didn't have an opportunity to homeschool...and don't get me started on my housekeeping/cooking skills. My husband now, who is a wonderful/gifted pastor, whom I adore - just last night commented about my inabilities to keep a clean house or cook an entire meal...at least one that doesn't consist of a box, dry noodles, milk and packet of sauce/spices and some ground hamburger meat.
So - where do I go from here? I go straight UP...that's where. First, with a confession that I'm probably jealous of these near-perfect women...and second, to ask God to continue blessing each one of them with the ministries they've been led into...and third, to thank HIM for making me who I am, because He can still find a way to use this "MESS - called ME" where He's chosen to plant me..right now, at work.
BE JOYFUL ALWAYS; PRAY CONTINUALLY; GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
So - where do I go from here? I go straight UP...that's where. First, with a confession that I'm probably jealous of these near-perfect women...and second, to ask God to continue blessing each one of them with the ministries they've been led into...and third, to thank HIM for making me who I am, because He can still find a way to use this "MESS - called ME" where He's chosen to plant me..right now, at work.
BE JOYFUL ALWAYS; PRAY CONTINUALLY; GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day 3
Ok...it's already afternoon and I'm just now 'getting-round-to-it'...today's post. I did manage to read my devotional this morning, once I got to work & opened my desk, cabinets, and put on my beautiful name badge.
Speaking of name badges - has anyone (beside me) ever wrestled with their identity? I think I wrestle daily with it. My pastor (aka: sweet husband) would agree with me. In fact, he's brought that topic to conversation on several occasions just recently. I was considering opening a bakery in our tiny, rural Kansas town. I found myself quite seriously thinking it through - complete with phoning our local attorney, economic developer, and state food regulation rep. Along with it - I prayed, and prayed...and prayed..and asked husband & dear friends to pray, too. I was consistently seeking God's Hand. I know I can do nothing without Him..and anything I attempt to try will fail miserably if it's not in His Plan.
Fast forward a week or so..and pastor/hubby opened a lengthy (and excellent) conversation by asking me, "Now tell me again, why do you want to open a bakery/sandwich shop/coffee shop? What is it you're trying to accomplish?" By God's nudging we were going to talk about Karen's identity ~ or better labeled ~ Karen's "identity crisis."
Husband had me think back to a time when I longed to be 1) a Pastor's Wife and 2) Mother of a third child.
So why, now that I have both, am I still searching for something to fill me up, pump me up, puff me up and make me something else?
'Ouch'...but he was right! God needs me to come to 'heart terms' that I am enough in Him. I don't need to DO anything, BE anything, ACCOMPLISH anything to be LOVED anymore than I already am. HE GAVE IT ALL..and CONTINUES TO LOVE FREELY WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS FROM ME. Lord, teach me to love myself without these quirks...to accept myself & be free from this identity crisis. My identity is in YOU.
I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY MADE; YOUR WORKS ARE WONDERFUL, I KNOW THAT FULL WELL. (Psalm 139:14)
Keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
Speaking of name badges - has anyone (beside me) ever wrestled with their identity? I think I wrestle daily with it. My pastor (aka: sweet husband) would agree with me. In fact, he's brought that topic to conversation on several occasions just recently. I was considering opening a bakery in our tiny, rural Kansas town. I found myself quite seriously thinking it through - complete with phoning our local attorney, economic developer, and state food regulation rep. Along with it - I prayed, and prayed...and prayed..and asked husband & dear friends to pray, too. I was consistently seeking God's Hand. I know I can do nothing without Him..and anything I attempt to try will fail miserably if it's not in His Plan.
Fast forward a week or so..and pastor/hubby opened a lengthy (and excellent) conversation by asking me, "Now tell me again, why do you want to open a bakery/sandwich shop/coffee shop? What is it you're trying to accomplish?" By God's nudging we were going to talk about Karen's identity ~ or better labeled ~ Karen's "identity crisis."
Husband had me think back to a time when I longed to be 1) a Pastor's Wife and 2) Mother of a third child.
So why, now that I have both, am I still searching for something to fill me up, pump me up, puff me up and make me something else?
'Ouch'...but he was right! God needs me to come to 'heart terms' that I am enough in Him. I don't need to DO anything, BE anything, ACCOMPLISH anything to be LOVED anymore than I already am. HE GAVE IT ALL..and CONTINUES TO LOVE FREELY WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS FROM ME. Lord, teach me to love myself without these quirks...to accept myself & be free from this identity crisis. My identity is in YOU.
I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY MADE; YOUR WORKS ARE WONDERFUL, I KNOW THAT FULL WELL. (Psalm 139:14)
Keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
Monday, August 23, 2010
Day 2
Good-morning to all,
A friend/neighbor from my days in southwest TX once said she lived in a fishbowl because she had no window treatments on her windows. While I thought that odd then...I've become pretty wise about now. It seems there are many pastor's wives out there who feel their lives are just that - out there for all in the congregation to view. Even though that may sound a little unnerving for some...I also learned a long time ago from the pastor (husband)..it is necessary to live transparently so that those who need the TRUTH can see it in our example. Jesus didn't come to save the perfect...He didn't eat/dwell among the rich & famous (or those that have perfect houses, perfect hair, perfect clothes & perfect children). Trust me, I've been there..striving to be the perfect wife, mom, teacher/librarian, choir member, VBS director...the list goes on & on. Only when I was 38 years old, on my knees, in a failed marriage with two elementary-aged children, lost & alone..feeling like a failure as a human being did I realize I could never acheive perfection..and it didn't matter because my Redeemer loved me no matter what I'd done, how I looked or what was in my bank account. Wow..that was pretty powerful for me. I didn't have to 'look the part' anymore. Funny thing was - I'd lived a lie for so long..I didn't even know who I was. A very dear & trusted Pastor at that time gave me wisdom beyond measure. He said, "Go, find out who you are in Christ. Only then will you know y-o-u and true LOVE."
If you were/are like me ~ lost & alone trying to acheive perfection by our human standard..and feeling like a total failure...I implore you...look for Him. He's there..and waiting with a total love you'll NEVER find on earth. I found it...late one rainy night..in a little apartment in Austin, TX..at precisely 12:34am. (But that's another story for some other day.)
I HAVE BEEN CRUCIFIED WITH CHRIST; AND IT IS NO LONGER I WHO LIVE, BUT CHRIST LIVES IN ME; AND THE LIFE WHICH I NOW LIVE IN THE FLESH I LIVE BY FAITH IN THE SON OF GOD, WHO LOVED ME AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR ME. (Galatians 2:20)
Keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
A friend/neighbor from my days in southwest TX once said she lived in a fishbowl because she had no window treatments on her windows. While I thought that odd then...I've become pretty wise about now. It seems there are many pastor's wives out there who feel their lives are just that - out there for all in the congregation to view. Even though that may sound a little unnerving for some...I also learned a long time ago from the pastor (husband)..it is necessary to live transparently so that those who need the TRUTH can see it in our example. Jesus didn't come to save the perfect...He didn't eat/dwell among the rich & famous (or those that have perfect houses, perfect hair, perfect clothes & perfect children). Trust me, I've been there..striving to be the perfect wife, mom, teacher/librarian, choir member, VBS director...the list goes on & on. Only when I was 38 years old, on my knees, in a failed marriage with two elementary-aged children, lost & alone..feeling like a failure as a human being did I realize I could never acheive perfection..and it didn't matter because my Redeemer loved me no matter what I'd done, how I looked or what was in my bank account. Wow..that was pretty powerful for me. I didn't have to 'look the part' anymore. Funny thing was - I'd lived a lie for so long..I didn't even know who I was. A very dear & trusted Pastor at that time gave me wisdom beyond measure. He said, "Go, find out who you are in Christ. Only then will you know y-o-u and true LOVE."
If you were/are like me ~ lost & alone trying to acheive perfection by our human standard..and feeling like a total failure...I implore you...look for Him. He's there..and waiting with a total love you'll NEVER find on earth. I found it...late one rainy night..in a little apartment in Austin, TX..at precisely 12:34am. (But that's another story for some other day.)
I HAVE BEEN CRUCIFIED WITH CHRIST; AND IT IS NO LONGER I WHO LIVE, BUT CHRIST LIVES IN ME; AND THE LIFE WHICH I NOW LIVE IN THE FLESH I LIVE BY FAITH IN THE SON OF GOD, WHO LOVED ME AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR ME. (Galatians 2:20)
Keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
Friday, August 20, 2010
Day 1
So much for the creative title of my very first posting here. I am almost 50...a mother of seven (blended family..he had four...I had two...together we had one)...and a Pastor's wife.
I can remember l-o-n-g ago, as a little girl, wanting so badly to one day become a pastor's wife. It must have started with one of my best friends, Lolly. She was the last daughter of three girls to our minister at church. Her family was the epitome of happiness. Lolly's mom could do anything! All of the girls in our neighborhood wanted to have her as a mom, live with her mom...and one day become like...her mom. "J" made clothes for her girls, cooked & baked the most AMAZING meals, cookies, pies. She had a tiny closet space underneath the staircase where her sweet little sewing machine was neatly tucked away. I can recall seeing her sitting & sewing a new outfit for Lolly or one of her older sisters...and longing for her to make one for me. She even made special 'slings' when Lolly fell from a treehouse & broke both of her arms...they matched her clothes! I can remember even wanting to break an arm - just to have a special-made sling!!! (How silly is that?)
(Please don't get me wrong - I have a wonderful mom. She is a gifted seamstress too, who (like "J") could see it today & copy it for me to wear by tomorrow. I love my mom - she means the world to me. But my childhood - like EVERYONE else I've learned as an adult - was in no way perfect.)
A reality that has come to me as an adult...even for pastor's wives...life is imperfect..and there's never going to be perfection & true happiness until our Savior, Jesus Christ returns in His Glory to take us home where we belong.
***One thing I promise to do in this blog is be perfectly transparent & honest...even if it means exposing parts of me that may be hard to write. That is one thing my husband, the pastor, has taught me as a "PW"...that through my transparency I may make the difference for someone out there who needs the love of Christ. Michael (the pastor/husband) is VERY transparent - and we've had more than one person explain that our open hearts laid bare before them along with our honesty have helped them beyond measure.
It is not my intent to harm/hurt anyone that I love - so the transparency will be completely about me & my life.***
So - that's it...my first blog about living my life as a Pastor's Wife. I hope you'll return again...and even better, I hope you'll write me. I'd like the opportunity to meet you, learn a little about you...share in your journey, as you share with me in mine. I'll pray for you, too..just ask.
AND WE KNOW THAT GOD CAUSES EVERYTHING TO WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. ~Romans 8:28
Keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
I can remember l-o-n-g ago, as a little girl, wanting so badly to one day become a pastor's wife. It must have started with one of my best friends, Lolly. She was the last daughter of three girls to our minister at church. Her family was the epitome of happiness. Lolly's mom could do anything! All of the girls in our neighborhood wanted to have her as a mom, live with her mom...and one day become like...her mom. "J" made clothes for her girls, cooked & baked the most AMAZING meals, cookies, pies. She had a tiny closet space underneath the staircase where her sweet little sewing machine was neatly tucked away. I can recall seeing her sitting & sewing a new outfit for Lolly or one of her older sisters...and longing for her to make one for me. She even made special 'slings' when Lolly fell from a treehouse & broke both of her arms...they matched her clothes! I can remember even wanting to break an arm - just to have a special-made sling!!! (How silly is that?)
(Please don't get me wrong - I have a wonderful mom. She is a gifted seamstress too, who (like "J") could see it today & copy it for me to wear by tomorrow. I love my mom - she means the world to me. But my childhood - like EVERYONE else I've learned as an adult - was in no way perfect.)
A reality that has come to me as an adult...even for pastor's wives...life is imperfect..and there's never going to be perfection & true happiness until our Savior, Jesus Christ returns in His Glory to take us home where we belong.
***One thing I promise to do in this blog is be perfectly transparent & honest...even if it means exposing parts of me that may be hard to write. That is one thing my husband, the pastor, has taught me as a "PW"...that through my transparency I may make the difference for someone out there who needs the love of Christ. Michael (the pastor/husband) is VERY transparent - and we've had more than one person explain that our open hearts laid bare before them along with our honesty have helped them beyond measure.
It is not my intent to harm/hurt anyone that I love - so the transparency will be completely about me & my life.***
So - that's it...my first blog about living my life as a Pastor's Wife. I hope you'll return again...and even better, I hope you'll write me. I'd like the opportunity to meet you, learn a little about you...share in your journey, as you share with me in mine. I'll pray for you, too..just ask.
AND WE KNOW THAT GOD CAUSES EVERYTHING TO WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. ~Romans 8:28
Keep the faith, dear friend.
~love, karen
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