take a leap!

Oh my...look at the last date that I posted here...April! Are you kidding? Has it been that long? Sorry, sweet friends & fellow bloggers!!! We've been a wee-bit busy.

I thought I'd ask you a favor.
Brady, Michael & I will be moving to Hong, Kong...VERY soon. And I would like to take a short break from this blog to write about our Hong Kong journey.

I may end up coming back to this one: perhaps rename it 'My life as a Pastor's Wife in Sha Tin, Hong Kong' (hmmmm...what'dya think???)

Here is the web address for our Hong Kong blog:

http://healing4hongkong.blogspot.com

*hope you'll consider jumping over & join us!

Winds of a storm

Good-morning, Kansas. Once again I wake up to...wind. There was UNBELIEVABLE winds that occured last week - the kind that lasted ALL day & was so fierce I was afraid to allow my 20lb. schnauzer outside! I tell folks here that I've experienced high winds (living in Tx all my life)...but they don't hold a candle to winds in Kansas.
Our home, the parsonage, has a corner between the den and kitchen that faces the northwest. It's all open - one big room - which includes the kitchen, dining and den. Well, this corner seems to 'catch' all the wind that blows from the north...and we can hear it in the house. That's how I gauge the amount & strength of the wind here. When we first moved to Dighton - we would sit in the den and just listen in amazement to this wind. We'd just look at each other and laugh at this 'song of nature.'
It reminds me of the storm that came up on the disciples while they were in the tiny boat on the sea. I can't begin to imagine the fear that must have consumed them at the fury of this storm. Just hearing the winds in Kansas and seeing the things blowing through the streets is enough to send me hiding under the bed. AND to think these men were on the water! And just as they believe they'll all perish - they awake the One who is sleeping through this storm...yep, SLEEPING!! (after all...He knows Who's in charge of storms.)
All Jesus had to do was SPEAK to the wind and the waves - and they CEASED. Wow. Can you imagine being in that boat and watching this unfold. Jesus spoke...God spoke...and amazing things happened.
Guess what? God still speaks. Jesus still speaks. AND amazing things are still happening. Keep your senses keen & keep looking/listening for amazing things. They're happening everywhere - just for you to see...and believe.

SO THEY SET OUT, AND AS THEY SAILED HE FELL ASLEEP. AND A WINDSTORM CAME DOWN ON THE LAKE, AND THEY WERE FILLING WITH WATER AND WERE IN DANGER. AND THEY WENT & WOKE HIM, SAYING, "MASTER, MASTER, WE ARE PERISHING!" AND HE AWOKE AND REBUKED THE WIND AND THE RAGING WAVES, AND THEY CEASED, AND THERE WAS A CALM. HE SAID TO THEM, "WHERE IS YOUR FAITH?" AND THEY WERE AFRAID, AND THEY MARVELED, SAYING TO ONE ANOTHER, "WHO THEN IS THIS, THAT HE COMMANDS EVEN WINDS & WATER, AND THEY OBEY HIM?" (Luke 8:22-25)

...and just like that...there are no more winds out my window in Kansas.

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

a Heart in the Hershey's

God uses anything He desires to get our attention. I love the song by Mandisa...'God Speaking' - for me, it stands as a reminder of how much God loves me - and how He will go to great lengths of showing me. (if you've never heard the song, I HIGHLY recommend listening...call me, I'll let you borrow my copy on my IPOD!)

Here lately God has been showing me how much He loves me through hearts. Call me crazy - that's quite ok, I can take it. But I am a beloved child of the Living God and He's reminding me just how much He cares. (and I'm lovin' it)

I recently spoke on concepts in women's ministry at a wonderful church worker's conference in Rexford (KS). Throughout the trip (the whole weekend in Rexford) God gave me signs (little remembrances) the He was there with me & would give me what I needed to speak to the women attending my session. These seem to be coming through 'hearts.' While walking to dinner, as I passed something on the road - it turned out to be in the shape of a heart. Then, walking back from hearing the main speaker at a church - again something caught my eye, which was in the shape of a heart. Also, walking across the street to the location of my session - there on the street...a heart-shaped piece of tar in my path. Finally - walking down the street to where we were sleeping (a beautiful restored hotel) I spotted the water tower for the town of Rexford. (side note - I'll share my 'water' stories sometime with you...they're amazing examples of how God has spoken to me)

Well, fast forward two weeks and now I am back full-force into life...along with the usual ups & downs. The only difference is trying to keep my eyes, heart & mind open for those signs. That's when just this morning God surprised me with some more examples of His love. While walking with a sweet friend through the streets of our tiny town (5:45am) I noticed at least two hearts. I just had to say openly "Wow, look a heart!" At some point God is going to give me a way to talk to my friend about Him...the REALness of Him.
Once home it was time to get my daughter up & prepare for school. Her request was a strawberry toaster strudel & warm, chocolate milk. I decided to use the can of Hershey's syrup in our pantry, which I grabbed. I opened the plastic lid and began to pour. What to my wandering eyes should appear? A heart! One of the openings (which I used a bottle opener) was in a perfect shape of a heart. I've shared with my daughter that God speaks to us in SO many ways...we just need to keep our eyes open and looking. It sure was fun to share the Heart in the Hershey's with her today!

Now you cannot convince me that's not God speaking! When my eyes fall at just the exact moment on somthing that is so crystal clear...that is Him. (I've even called on others to confirm to me what they see - and it's always the same: hearts.)

Keep your eyes, mind & your heart wide open to Him...He's speaking now. Look for Him - He's trying to show you how much He's in love with you.

MAY THE LORD DIRECT YOUR HEARTS TO THE LOVE OF GOD AND TO THE STEADFASTNESS OF CHRIST. (2 Thessalonians 3:1)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~ love, karen

Mark it on the Mirror

Have you ever wanted to remember something so much that you end up writing it down somewhere...and then lose the piece of scratch paper you wrote it on? Or, perhaps like me, have several (hundred) little post-it notes, pieces of torn envelope or notebook paper corners that have hen scratchings with words of wisdom that I've read somewhere - devotionals, scriptures, emails, self-help books. Many of which are taped in places that I hope to remember to look at each day & take the time to read. Hey, I've even got three taped to the little lampshade on my writing table in front of me!
Sad news is...I really don't take the time - daily - to glance these over. So what happens is...they end up adding to the clutter around me. Man..if I could take a glance into my brain...it's probably COVERED UP with clutter, too!

I think I may have found a simple way of getting words of wisdom to 'sink in'. (I'll have to give my hubby some credit here.) I've a dry erase marker that I keep in my bathroom - close to my sink/mirror. At any given minute - if I run across a scripture that hits my heart in a particular way...all I have to do is (you guessed it) write it on the mirror. I have a couple that have been written there for going on three years now. They have truly seen me through some TOUGH, TOUGH times. It seems when I'm in the midst of 'life-strife' and want to be alone for a little while...I end up in my little corner-of-the-world (bathroom) and God reminds me that He is there in the middle of the muck with me. Perfect timing for seeing the Perfect Truth from a Perfect God! It never fails to be encouraging and I usually leave that little 'corner' uplifted & ready to face the giant(s) again.

Even my eight-year old has caught on. Just the other day I found a big LOVE note hand written by her - covering the little space that I leave open for hair & makeup. PRICELESS.

I encourage you to give it a try. (It also works for leaving sweet notes & scripture to family members on their mirrors, too!)

one of the two on my mirror now:
HE GIVES STRENGTH TO THE WEARY & INCREASES THE POWER OF THE WEAK. (Isaiah 40:29)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

Pajama Day!

Ok...so it seems every day for me lately is pajama day. What can I say? I quit my job the last day of November (2010) to stay home. It was a really good job - hospital administrative assistant. I made my own hours, could leave when I needed, my boss is a wonderful, Christian woman who believes family comes first. So why did I leave? Well, ask my sweet husband and he'd probably tell you I'd lost my mind. He'd say(a little off the cuff) that God told me to go home & bake cookies. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Actually, that's not too far off from the truth.

This last summer a couple friends and I started walking in the mornings together. We'd meet at my front yard (5:15am) and walk 3 miles through our town. (keep in mind we could cover just about all of our town, which is 10 blocks x 10 blocks..roughly). We (gals) would talk of our hopes, dreams, trials, troubles and most days try to end our time together with a short prayer. It was such an uplifting time.
One of these gals dreamed of a ministry for women in our community with dance. She is now running Zumba classes for believers & non-believers. We dance like crazy four nights a week to Latin (AND Christian) music. It's great!
Well, I talked about wanting to be a blessing to others - and I just didn't know how. I knew I was blessing some at work (Michael, hubby, was ALWAYS so encouraging to me about touching the lives of co-workers...and I think I made a little ripple in that pond.) But I was doing a little baking on the side & really liking it.
About the same time, my daughter - Brady started asking (almost daily) when was I going to stay home and just be her mom. (Talk about your heart melting...) I knew this was a cry (ok, maybe a whimper) for her to have me home. So I started praying fervently for God to show me a way to be home, be a blessing & there for my family.
It didn't happen overnight and there was no magical, fairy-god-mother that appeared to make all my dreams come true. But in my praying - I asked God to put it upon my husband's heart to start a dialogue of me quitting. He answered that prayer and communication began!

Long story short - I did quit and I have been baking ever since. (check out my 'other' blog - www.bradyshands.blogspot.com) I love to bake cookies, cupcakes...just about anything sweet. Can't cook worth a darn, so I'm not much help to my beautiful husband - who does cook MARVELOUSLY!!!! And it's not been a beautiful fairy tale that has a happy ending. No, its been work - hard work. There have been unhappy times because we're living with one paycheck (his) and its an area where satan can try to divide. BUT...I know God provides for ALL our needs - so to me it's just another way we can place our trust in Him.
I am loving the opportunity to be at home - make beds, do laundry, listen & sing to my Christian music...and bake. More importantly I'm loving the fact that I can be there to support my husband, tend to my daughter more and put my family first. I'm not perfect at anything - but I'm trying to be the best that I can & leaning on God's Love and wisdom to help (because He is).

PS. If you ever need something sweet, just let me know.
Now I think I'll go change into some clothes...

I DELIGHT MYSELF IN THE LORD AND HE GIVES ME THE DESIRES OF MY HEART. (Psalms 37:4)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~ love, karen

I wonder...

The other day I had some time on my hands...waiting for my youngest child to come bouncing (from a day at school) out to our car waiting in line. (I was one of the lucky ones today ~ got there early enough to grab one of the last parking spaces next to the curb. That way I didn't have to continue circling the school..waiting on a new spot to appear, once another car pulled away).

Anyway - I was wondering about what people think when it comes to pastor's wives. Do the 'normal folks' out there suppose a pastor's wife is "untouchable" when it comes to suffering, heartache, temptation & the likes? Just because a pastor's wife is...married to a pastor - do you suppose people think she's in a 'safety bubble?'

I used to have that misconception. (and believe me...IT IS A MISCONCEPTION!) I'm beginning to understand that satan will stop at nothing to hurt anyone. (...the thief comes to steal, kill, destroy...John 10:10). And guess what...if he can't seem to shake a man of God to the core ~ he's going to go after what the pastor holds dear to his heart...his family.

Growing up - one of my sweetest, closest friends(BFF) lived a couple blocks away. Her daddy was our pastor and I was always so envious of them...their home, their family, their mom, their dad's position. I grew up (secretly) wanting to be a pastor's wife because I saw (on the outside) what looked like 'the perfect life.' And I thought it was all because of his job. What I came to learn MUCH later in life is...there isn't any such job, home or family this side of heaven that's not without troubles. (I was heartbroken to hear her family had broken apart shortly after graduation and later they divorced.)

Statistics are fun, aren't they? - on your left (the "married" column) and on the right (the "divorced" group). Did you ever stop and consider you are a statistic? If you're married - your life will become a statistic. Which side do you want to be on at the end of your life? Do you want to add to the numbers on the left or the right? That's what started my pondering today. Because whether married to someone in ministry or not, you've still got to fight like heck to make it work.
And you can bet your paycheck that satan is lurking in the shadows ready to pounce. He knows every weak spot, every vulnerable area of your life (perhaps even better than you)...and he's after you. He won't stop. He will continue to try to wear you down & make you weak enough to give up. Trust me on this one. I just came through a really tough fight and a little tattered from the battle. One important thing I totally forgot while knee-deep in the trenches...Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world(1 John 4:4). Satan's going to throw his darts; but I can be smarter and deflect those darts if I remember to run to my God ~ Who can protect me and help me in times of danger. Now that's a promise I can take to the bank!

YOU HAVE DELIVERED ME FROM THE EVILS OF THIS WORLD, FOR IT IS YOUR WILL. (Gal 1:4)
keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

Dumpin' My Bucket

My devotional yesterday was titled "Become God's Friend." At some levels that sounds pretty easy...and yet at others very difficult. I read on. It said that I have to choose to be honest with Him. OK, I think I can do that easily enough. God's friends in the Bible were honest with Him about their feelings - sometimes even complaining & arguing with Him - yet He didn't seem to mind. In fact, He encouraged it. (WAIT, WHAT???)
God listened patiently to David's accusations of unfairness, betrayal and abandonment just as Job was allowed to vent his bitterness - God actually defended him for being honest, while rebuking his friends for faking it. (Job 42:7).

To be God's friend is to share my TRUE feelings with Him, not what I think I 'ought' to say in prayer. (a little convicting for me here)
While I think sometimes I complain too much to God for me, myself & I...and don't pray nearly enough for others...it's refreshing to know that God doesn't look on me like the 'whiny little child' that's in a first grade classroom (and NEVER absent).

I really liked what my devotional said: Revealing my feelings and releasing my resentments to Him are the first steps in becoming spiritually whole. (Wow)
After all, He already knows my thoughts, my heart, my mind & my intentions before I do. I can certainly humble myself before His throne and 'dump my bucket'...isn't He big enough to carry it?

I long for a deeper intimacy with my God ~ so I've started (in a prayer journal) to reveal my innermost feelings, hurts & resentments to my Abba. I'm sure He'll know what to do with them and can help me. I know He uses everything for good in my life.

AND WE KNOW THAT GOD CAUSES ALL THINGS TO WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOD, TO THOSE WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSES. (Romans 8:28)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

Some nights are just like that...

I guess I'm finally awake. I really can't feel anything. Up AT LEAST four times in the night with a daughter's fever, clogged nose & nightmares. Funny thing...she's now in dad's recliner - watching television, playing a game on a computer with TV remote & hot tea by her side...totally content and seemingly rested. (Mom is the one that's a mess.) That's ok. In fact, I'm lovin' it. That's what motherhood is all about and I'm receiving the blessings of being able to be home with my beautiful daughter. (May I interject here a big THANK YOU to my wonderful hubby, Michael, who's hard at work making ends meet so that I can have this desire of my heart!!!)

Motherhood - the selfless act of loving a little resemblence of yourself (sometimes the good, the bad and yes...even the ugly). Signing up for sleepless nights, dusty shelves & dirty floors, worries when sickness comes, dishes always in the sink, clothing with stains (of milk, food, blood & vomit...to name a few), and TV dinners on the fly unless Papa Bear is cooking (THANKS honey/hubby - you're the BEST cook on the PLANET). I make the best fish stick TV dinner, by the way...just ask anyone in our church.

God programmed the female to have all the right wires to be the nurturing partner and perfect mother to offspring. Sometimes in the midst of the journey and the trenches of the daily grind...I forget that. I let it slip from my mind that God entrusted Justin, Jordan, Brady, Jennifer, Ian, Paige, Nico along with Jeffrey & Natolie into my care and holds me accountable for their well being while IN my care. (Ouch) I also know He is a Loving, Soverign God that knows my imperfections and will assist me in this monumental task if I'll just humble myself and ask Him. (That can be the easy part if I'll just remember to.)
He has answers to ALL of life's questions - all I need to do is spend T-I-M-E with Him and listen. So I offer a prayer up for myself (aka: Mom) and any others out there that are in need today...
Father, Thank You for Who You are (the Great I AM). Thank You that You have ALL the answers and all that is needed of me is to come to You, sit with You, sing my Praises to You, and ask for help. Forgive me when I forget. Please help me today because I am tired and may lash out at those I hold dearest to my heart.
I love You. -Amen-

YET THOSE WHO WAIT FOR THE LORD WILL GAIN NEW STRENGTH; THEY WILL MOUNT UP WITH WINGS LIKE EAGLES, THEY WILL RUN AND NOT GET TIRED, THEY WILL WALK AND NOT BECOME WEARY. (Isaiah 40:31)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

A New Year Resolution...in February!

Today was a good day.
I know life is full of good days...and bad. It's learning to accentuate the positives...be optimistic...look on the bright side. It's having an attitude of gratitude. That's what I'm going to do this year...I guess you might say it's my first New Year's resolution. (Funny - it's only taken me a month to come up with one!)

I ran across something in a devotional recently that I think bears repeating. The Bible says: "Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." (Change always begins in your mind! The way you think determines the way you feel, and the way you feel determines the way you act. You ask..."How can I change the way I think?" By programming your mind each day with God's Word.)
DO NOT BE CONFORMED TO THIS WORLD, BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, SO THAT YOU MAY PROVE WHAT THE WILL OF GOD IS, THAT WHICH IS GOOD & ACCEPTABLE AND PERFECT. (Romans 12:2)

I know it will take some willpower to start each day with this (new) attitude of gratitude. But with God's help...I'll get there!

BECAUSE YOUR LOVINGKINDNESS IS BETTER THAN LIFE, MY LIPS WILL PRAISE YOU.
(Psalms 63:3)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

A New Creation

Time flies when... You can spend a lifetime & a million verbs to finish that line. Well, I will try to finish my reasoning as to why I've been away almost a month. January has proven to be busy in some ways and S-L-O-W in others.

I met with my counselor today...and I must say it was truly a time spent in the midst of my Saviour. It was such an outpouring of love & tears & pain & forgiveness. (I was poured out & filled up by the time it was over 1 1/2 hours later.)

I remembered things from my childhood that were both tragic & sad; yet God removed the pain and grafted in His unconditional love. He was there...the WHOLE time...when I was little. I love my parents. They're human...and in their human-ness they were broken & battered. They made mistakes in parenting my sister and me...just like ALL THE REST OF US...INCLUDING ME...so you won't see me pointing a finger in judgement toward them. I have forgiven them & love them just as Christ has forgiven me & loves me ~ unconditionally.

God (and my counselor) have shown me that I've walked the valleys so that I can be prepared for 'such a time as this' and be able to help others. God knows my heart is willing to go and do whatever He needs me to. It's my belief that He wants me to be a beacon (a light) to women who are hurting...who may have gone through (or going through) some of the things I have. I will leave it to Him to show me how.

I've been asked to speak at a church conference soon (Feb. 19) in Rexford, Kansas on 'Concepts of Women's Ministry.' I have been praying for God's Hand to lead me in speaking what He wants. And I've been given a scripture that I will cling to while in preparation for 'such a time as this' (Esther). I will leave it here & ask if you'll pray for me, too....

...FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL TEACH YOU IN THAT VERY HOUR WHAT YOU OUGHT TO SAY.
(Luke 12:12)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

Time

Oh...my...gracious! Where DID the time go?
I just blinked and it's been a month since my last post here!!! Forgive me, dear cyber-friends.
I guess I've been busy...baking/decorating cookies, shopping & shipping Christmas presents to family, setting up & taking down decorations, trips to Garden City to tend to a STUBBORN dental piece that JUST WON'T STAY GLUED DOWN!!!!
Anyway, I think it's about time to put up a new post...so here it comes. (right after I feed my daughter some lunch...grilled cheese & soup. Nothing quite like it on a cold, Kansas day!)
My devotional this morning was about becoming more Christ-like. Darn...just when I was wanting to throw in the towel. Life is hard! But God is good! And HE knows everything that's going on. I just have to remember that He's in complete control. There's nothing (let me say it with emphasis...NOTHING) that goes on that He doesn't already know. And if I can just keep my head about me...and keep my faith & trust STRONG in HIM...then NOTHING can harm me! I will be victorious IN HIM. He will go before me & fight for me. Period.
In the meantime it's my job to surrender all (everything I am...everything I have) to His Will. That can be pretty dang hard sometimes. Especially knowing satan's pretty smart & knows my weaknesses...my areas where I'm most vulnerable. I MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER WHO I BELONG TO, SWEET DAUGHTER of THE GOD of the UNIVERSE!!!!

My counseling this past week was SO helpful. I wrote down everything I could think of that I've been told that I am (some of the many LIES that I've bought into in my lifetime). These 'LIES' were then taped to a big, red heart pillow that was resting on my lap (representing my heart). My counselor helped me walk through that list: item-by-item...lie-by-lie. And replaced each one with TRUTH from THE WORD of GOD! I ripped up the list of lies (into tiny shreds I might add)...which felt pretty good...freeing. As a matter of fact - I highly recommend anyone reading this post to try it. You'll feel a heavy burden lifted...and a new freedom that's exhilirating!
My prescription from my counselor: Read through my list of TRUTHS every day for the next two weeks. ok...doc...here I go...

COME TO ME ALL WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY-LADEN, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST. (Matt 11:28)

HE GIVES STRENGTH TO THE WEARY AND TO HIM WHO LACKS MIGHT HE INCREASES POWER. (Isaiah 40:29)

Thought this post needed two scripture references.

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love, karen

Sunday & Fantasy Football

Nothing is quite like a lazy, sunny Sunday afternoon. I love Sundays like this. Sunday school...church...lunch...and then....ahhh...the afternoon before me. Nothing obligatory in front of me. Just the afternoon with my family. This particular Sunday follows the hustle of the Thanksgiving week. It was a good Thanksgiving. The only thing that would have made it better - to see my two 'TX' children that live in Austin. It just didn't work out to see them...although our best laid plans seemed tailor-made. My son's work schedule just got in the way. Sometimes you have to make a choice...which is more important...and sometimes you don't get the choice...because it's already made for you. (I'm not quite sure which category my son's situation was)...nevertheless, we made our way back to Kansas yesterday - leaving TX without so much as a 'hello & hug' from my two. Oh well, we say, we'll make sure "next time."
My sweet husband would've moved the sun & moon to make it possible for me to see my kids. Ya know...my mama used to say "hindsight is 20/20" - if I'd only known now what I didn't know then - I would have driven myself to Austin on Friday to see them. It is what it is...so I tell my 18yr old daughter - we'll move forward and make plans for next time.
So through my tears on Friday night my hubby (the loving pastor that he is) reminds me that we (parents) raise our children to become independent and that's what my kids are in essence doing. They're working their way toward independence and although it can be sad for me - it's necessary for them.

Now how did I get so far down that rabbit trail from my topic for this post 'Sunday & Fantasy Football?'
Oh yeah, hubby (pastor/fantasy football maniac) has spent the last few minutes going from the TV 'tube' football game to the computer - to check his stats for his fantasy team. I guess it's fun - I wouldn't know...I don't do the fantasy football 'thing.' I just watch...and ponder. He says he won't be doing it either...next year. He says instead of enjoying the game...he's too worried about his players and points. (I can see that - which is probably another reason why I don't do it)

I think that might be how some people go through their lives. Instead of just sitting back & enjoying the game, they're too worried about their players & their points - and winning.
Hey, I've already won the game of life and will celebrate like there's no tomorrow at a really big feast with my King in heaven one day. (Yipee)

Join me?

THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN MAY BE COMPARED TO A KING, WHO GAVE A WEDDING FEAST FOR HIS SON. (Matthew 22:2)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~love karen

Quiet

Just a quiet evening...following a big Saturday morning...after a long, tiring week. Ever have one of those? I continue to work on my relationships. I've been told I'd live the life of a hermit if I could. Part of me thinks..."heck, yeah - that'd be nice & quiet for a spell" - while another part of me thinks..."NO, No - I like being around people - and that would make me blue." Hhmmmm...such a delimma.
So, back to my week. Hubby & I continue to communicate on a deeper level. This is new to me b/c I've always held close relationships at a distance - while living behind that mask. I think that's been my security blanket, which makes perfect sense. If I keep close relationships at bay...then it doesn't hurt quite so bad when my feelings are hurt or I'm disappointed in some way. The only problem with that? I can think of several...a) I never get to experience REAL joy along with the people I love the most, b) If I'm hiding behind that mask and not communicating when something hurts...how is the other person going to know I'm hurt...and we try to remedy/find a solution?, c) I'm not a living partner in a marriage relationship that God created & intends for me to exist in...shall I go on?
Bottom line is - I love my husband with all my heart...I'm figuring out there will be times that I disappoint, frustrate, anger (etc) him - and he will do the same to me. BUT we will work through those conflicts and grow closer to each other through it. I'm also learning that conflict isn't a bad thing...it's a necessary thing in a good marriage.

NO DISCIPLINE SEEMS PLEASANT AT THE TIME, BUT PAINFUL. LATER ON, HOWEVER, IT PRODUCES A HARVEST OF RIGHTEOUSNESS AND PEACE FOR THOSE TRAINED BY IT. (Hebrews 12:11)

keep the faith, sweet friend
~karen

Freedom.

It is for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.
I must say I've not really understood this scripture...ever. I am, however, beginning to see/taste/comprehend the true freedom in Christ.
I can be under the yoke of slavery in just about anything. A slave to work...a slave to food...a slave to shopping (yeah, baby!)...a slave to responsibility.
The truth is - as my dear, sweet & wise husband likes to say - 50 years from now we'll all be dead - and the things of this world won't matter a bit. (We need to be about the business of loving others, sacrificing for others, speaking the hope that is within us - freely & LOUDLY (if need be).
When one comes into an understanding of freedom in Christ - wow - how freeing that alone is. Knowing I will not be condemned to die in my sin - but instead to live out my existence in eternity in freedom & being in the presence of The King. (mindboggling, ain't it?)

Dishonesty

What a pain! Dishonesty. What a crutch! Dishonesty. What a shame! Dishonesty.
Have you ever had someone near to you be dishonest. C'mon...everyone has. If you're the bearer of the lie...it ways heavy on your conscience (or it should). If you're the recepient of the lie...it hurts...sometimes very DEEPLY. The only thing I can say, right now, is...hang on. God is still on His throne...and He loves YOU more than you can imagine...and He's got a plan.

I have had a piece of paper taped to the cabinet above my desk at work (right about eye-level) that holds scripture that has helped me through the depths of pain I've encountered. My sweet, sweet friend (a sister in Christ & prayer warrior) sent me these pieces of God's Word that have been honey to my soul. I've actually clung to one in particular for quite some time. I share it with you, dear friend, because I think it might help you through something...someday.

THE LORD IS NEAR TO THE BROKENHEARTED AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.
(Psalm 34:18)

Keep the faith, sweet friend
~karen

Alone

Did you ever feel completely and totally alone? Did you ever want to just cry out to the sky until you were hoarse and had no voice left? Did you ever know something so sad & terrible that you didn't even know how to manage holding the thoughts in your head because you thought if you did you'd die? I've been there. It's an emptiness that is inexplainable.
Sometimes wives of men in the pastorate have to deal with feelings & emotions all alone in the emptiness. There's an emptiness in space. Sometimes the quiet peace of space (I'm talking way-out-there-Milky-Way kind of space) is calming to my mind. Out there - there is no pain, tears & terrible things.

Even though I sometimes feel that way ~ I am reminded that I am never alone. That is why Jesus left this earth through the most painful death there is...so I would not have to be alone. He departed so that there could be a Comforter come.

"Come and dwell within me, O Great Comforter. ~ Come and help me deal with the pain."

Pastor's wives, you are not alone. You too have the Comforter. Hold on to Him when times get tough...like I do. Wives, husbands, teens, little children, collegiates...this is the same Comforter that you can lean on, too.

I am reminded of a song that's playing over & over in my head lately...

I need you Jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can I go
there's no other name
for which I am saved
capture me with grace
I will follow you.

(Artist: Newsong)

"...DO NOT BE GRIEVED, FOR THE JOY OF THE LORD IS YOUR STRENGTH." (Nehemiah 8:10)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen

Toasted & Torn

Michael touched down in Kansas, heading home from Kenya, as I worked on staff at a bereavement camp. He arrived home around 3am - unpacked a little, unwound a little - then off to bed...only to rise about 6am and get ready to lead church (Sunday school & the sermon). Coming off of a 27-hour/3 flight trip plus 4-5 hour car ride just to get home...he was toasted. And I was...torn. I knew being a part of the camp was important. I'd worked on staff at the camp two years ago...couldn't work last year b/c my sweet Jordan (18yr old in TX) had her homecoming game as a senior on the varsity cheer squad - and 'mom' wasn't missing it for anything! So here I was another year later and back at camp for the weekend. Most of my heart was left at home - anticipating the arrival of my 'warrior' home from Africa. I decided to clean the house as best I could - borrowing the super-sucking vacuumn cleaner from the church, making beds & cleaning the kitchen. Heck, I even dusted half of the shelves in the living room (something I think I've not done in maybe a year)!
I'd left decorated acorn cookies labeled with a tiny message 'Welcome Home' on the counter for my honey - along with a brief message scribbled on yellow legal pad paper. I was guilt ridden about being at camp - yet torn because it was a ministry I was involved in. I hoped I could shake the guilt and just be a helper for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Never in a million years did I think I would leave the campsite taking more home than I came with. God spoke such sweetness to me over the weekend. Some of which came through the words of my husband with a phone call mid-way through the camp. He said he knew where my heart was - with him, now at home. That I was being Christ-like and needed to move my attention to the campers in helping them grieve...and we'd be together soon enough.
...boy was that a L-O-N-G ride home (which was only a 35 mile trip).

ALL THINGS COME TOGETHER FOR GOOD, FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. (Romans 8:28)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen

Somewhere inbetween...

Ok...confession time again. I must openly admit that I get discouraged sometimes. And I know it's not of God when I start to feel inadequate! In fact, I know it's not God who is the author of doubt! (it is the author of darkness - otherwise known as satan)
Nevertheless, I found myself feeling pretty small tonight as I viewed a (very successful) blog of an old friend of mine from college. She has made quite a name for herself with the scrapbooking/rubber stamping world...and I am truly happy and in awe of her. She is breathing success as she carves a name for herself in that realm of creativity. God has/is richly blessing her & I'm so excited. The darkness that sets into my mind and tries to take root is feeling inadequate as a human. No, I'm not famous in any realm (on the grand scale of earthly views)...but I AM famous to Brady Grace Klumpp, Justin & Jordan Jung, Jennifer, Ian, Paige & Nico Klumpp, Charity, Natolie and a host of others that know/have known me as "mom, step-mom, & adopted mom" over the past several years. I may never know the impact I had on these lives. I pray it was that I've done a little bit of 'right' in all the wrong I did.

Somehow I've managed to take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on earthly things. I've been measuring myself in human terms instead of heavenly ones. I've felt very insignificant lately. I've looked for an audience of many - instead of remembering I should be singing praises to an audience of ONE. The focus has been on me and it should be on HIM.

Thank you Holy God, for reminding me how important I am in Your sight. Help me to see myself - not as I see me - but the way You do. Remind me that You knit me inside Nancy's womb - knowing everything I would ever be, do, seek, and know...and still you continue to love me just the way I am. Help me to love others the way You love me..and help me show others the unconditional love you freely give. Amen.

I always feel so much better when I take my heartaches to heaven. God always turns my sorrow into joy...no matter what my circumstance. Try it sometime...I challenge you to seek Him. You'll never be the same.

Have you ever felt small & inadequate? Let me hear from ya! I'll pray for you...I promise.

BEHOLD, I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK; IF ANYONE HEARS MY VOICE AND OPENS THE DOOR, I WILL COME IN TO HIM, AND WILL DINE WITH HIM, AND HE WITH ME. (Revelations 3:20)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen

Single Parenting 101

Oh boy...here we go. Papa Bear has left the den to help a hurting country across the pond. (Kenya) He left yesterday morning...bound for Wichita, KS - to Chicago, IL - to Istanbul - to Nairobi. Our sweet Paige, celebrating her birthday yesterday...traveled with her Papa to Africa. We are praying for their safety, as well as for God's Hand to move their work in a mighty way.

My life for the next two weeks should be pretty interesting. Busy, absolutely! Tiring, you betcha! Fulfilling, count on it! Lonely, probably. Sleepless, probably. I missed Michael even before he was out of Kansas.

We'd had a 'spat' on Sunday (the day before his departure). Looking back (as always) it was over something so trivial (aka: stupid). This time my computer was the catalyst ~ with Michael trying to clean it out. As he looked thru the control panel he asked, "Ever use - - -? (enter photo software name here). My response, "Uhhh..I think...it rings a bell." I think that same response came from my lips on every question he asked after that.
Long story short - He was trying...and I was trying to kill his confidence in himself to accomplish the task. (I succeeded) And our afternoon - into evening - was a miserable, lonely, separate time.

I was listening to a radio talk show on our local Christian station earlier today while at work. The pastor was explaining about anger - and just how subtle (and destructive) it can be. Of course the scripture was mentioned (which I've heard many a time before today) - don't let the sun go down on your anger. My problem I've found (especially with my husband) is that I can find myself enjoying the misery...it almost feels like 'normal.' I guess somewhere in my twisted mind - I must be thinking that I'm punishing him. (But in reality - I'm punishing both of us...as well as God! Yep...the radio pastor went on to tell me that it grieves God for me to be angry with my husband. And HE can't work in me/thru me when I'm riddled with anger. Ouch.
So, I've got to find a way to speak up/out with my husband when I am hurt, angered, etc...That way I'm not giving satan an opportunity to help me justify my anger. (The bible also says the only acceptable anger is of the righteous kind.) We've got to find a way to work it out before our heads hit the pillow.
I can honestly tell when my heart is harboring hurt & anger. It feeds on that emotion of 'woe is me' or 'I'll show him, by golly!'
Well, looking at the bigger picture - it is my honor (and duty) to make the first move to reconcile with my lover, my husband. EASIER SAID THAN DONE! But with God's help I'm gonna keep tryin!


AND THE LORD'S BOND-SERVANT MUST NOT BE QUARRELSOME, BUT BE KIND TO ALL, ABLE TO TEACH, PATIENT WHEN WRONGED, WITH GENTLENESS CORRECTING THOSE WHO ARE IN OPPOSITION, IF PERHAPS GOD MAY GRANT THEM REPENTANCE LEADING TO THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE TRUTH... (2 Timothy 24-25)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen

Pumpkin Patch

Today was a fun day with my sweet family. We've a wonderful couple who live at the edge of our town. Every year they open their pumpkin field to anyone/everyone to come, pick & keep as many pumpkins as you can carry. They provide hayrides, sweet apple cider (as you watch apples from their orchard turn into juice with their ol' cranker - juicer). All of this is provided FREE...it is their ministry. And all children (young & old) turn out for the festivities! It was a crisp fall day - as we drove to their farm. It was beautiful and we were all pumped for the fun. The only thing I found wrong was the feeling of my head beginning to pound - as I tried to understand why my head was starting to hurt. (Could it be something had blown in with the crazy Kansas winds this past week? Could it be that I'm tired - the crazy schedule that I've been trying to keep up with: work 36-40 hrs/week, karate & Zumba classes twice/week, walking with my angel/friends every morning, church on Wednesdays (3-8pm)...and now baking...a lot.? Or could it be some repressed anger that I'm not dealing with - which my husband asked - "what are you mad about?" on the way to the patch.)
I don't know. I think it's probably something blown in. I've been really blessed & have not been too sick since we've moved from TX, August 08. But maybe, just maybe it's something more..?? Something that I'm really not wanting to deal with? Hmmm.

My investigation continues..
When you've hidden behind a mask for SO long, like me, it becomes really easy to "put on a happy face" when your heart is breaking in two. Another way of life for me was being "numb." Numb to all emotion meant I didn't have to feel the pain and therefore it didn't matter what anyone said/did to me. I was just going through the motions of the day. I can remember a particular day when I was traveling with family. My children were young (ages 4-8, I think). There were 10 of us (six extended family included). I found my place near the back of the big Suburban we were riding in - where all the children were strategically placed away from the adults. I didn't mind sitting there among the kids b/c I was numb. I remember spending hours looking out the window - watching Texas disappear and Colorado come into focus. I remember seeing the birds gliding so gently through the sky. They represented freedom to me. A freedom I didn't know - only from a distance. My heart knew no pain because there was no feeling. Only years later sitting with a Christian counselor that God led me to...did I realize if I were going to be numb to all emotion, that would include joy. I wouldn't know joy - couldn't have joy in my life. As hard as it was to face that pain - God gave me strength & courage to meet it head on. It was during that time that I witnessed the love of Christ that was real. Real love from a real Christ for a hurting little girl.

I'm still working on that communication issue.
Why is it I can't always open my mouth and speak my mind? Always afraid of 'upsetting the applecart' or disappointing someone I love? So I live behind the mask. But that's living a lie..right?
Run from conflict...that's me. Sometimes it feels like I just walk on eggshells. Ever felt that way? Let me hear from ya.

THE LORD IS NEAR TO THE BROKENHEARTED, AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT. (Psalm 34:18) and HE HEALS THE BROKENHEARTED, AND BINDS UP THEIR WOUNDS. (Psalm 147:3)

keep the faith, sweet friend.
~karen